A Happy Heart

Thank you everyone for your sweet words on the previous post.  If for nothing else, I will continue to blog, so that my children can have a journal of their childhood.

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Tuesday was just a bit of an off day for me.  Do you ever have those days?  It seems like from the moment you wake up, nothing quite goes the way you had hoped for.  That was most of my day Tuesday.  I woke up missing Natalie greatly.  I think of her every morning, but it was more intense.  Marc was gone for a few days on business, so I was missing him as well.  Then I got to class, and realized I had forgotten my book, which is nothing major, but those kind of things continued through out the day. 

I am very nonconfrontational.  I want everyone to be happy and get along.  I would much rather me be unhappy and just keep it to myself, then risk telling someone and upsetting them.  I would gladly go 10 miles out of my way, just so someone else wasn't inconvenienced.  Marc says that I tend to let people walk all over me.  Usually, I can justify it.  I can rationalize someone's actions or thoughtlessness.  Two different times on Tuesday, I felt completely walked all over, and taken advantage of.  Yet did I say anything?  Of course not, because I am ridiculously nonconfrontational. 

When I finally got home with the kids, I was determined to turn the day around.  We made some deliciously naughty desert bars, and laughed and played. We ate our dinner, enjoyed more of the desert bars, and got ready for bath time.  I apologize in advance if this is TMI, but Marleigh constantly battles constipation issues.  She has a horrible time with it and it hurts her.  We give her things to help, but every now and again, it is just miserable for her.  Tuesday was one of those times. While, I was in helping her in the bathroom, Kade fell on something and had a pretty big bump on his face.  We got through with bath time, and then the kids could not seem to get along.  Normally, they do so well together. No matter what I tried, one of them wasn't happy.  I would separate them, and within minutes, they were fighting again.  Tired from the day, I put them to bed early.  Both must have been exhausted, because they went right to sleep. 

As I was getting ready for bed, I prayed for a better day for Wednesday. I was hoping good night's sleep would help. 

All night, I tossed and turned.  I even had a nightmare that I was in an elevator that somehow fell down the elevator shaft.  So needless to say, I didn't sleep very well. 

Marleigh woke up with an accident in her pants.  She then chugged an entire cup of chocolate milk and was dancing around like crazy to cartoons.  She proceeded to throw up all over the living room floor. Nice.  She insisted she felt fine, so we waited a few minutes, then headed to daycare.

My wonderful day continued at work.  So did my wonderful attitude. 

I picked the kids up and we got home and played just like any other day.  Kade has been big into pretending to be a dog.  It is pretty comical.  Marleigh has really started using her imagination for pretend play.  We played farm, library, store, etc.  To me, it seemed like any other day. 

After dinner, I was coloring with Marleigh and she asked me, "Mommy, why is your heart not happy today?"  Caught a little off guard, I responded, "What do mean?  Has Mommy been grumpy?"  She kept right on coloring and said, "No, but your heart isn't happy."  Seriously.  How is a little girl so insightful?  I tell her all the time that "You make my heart so happy!"  While I might not have been totally crabby, she could see that I wasn't happy.  And she was right.  But why was my heart not happy?  Yes, I had a bad couple of days, but everyone does. Why let a few bumps in the road take away from the happiness that is in my heart?  Maybe instead of praying for a better day, I should of been praying for a happy heart to deal with these days that are less than ideal.   I pray that my heart be restored to happiness. I ask God to help remind me that there are always going to be bad days that I can't control, but I can always control the condition of my heart.