Yesterday, we had a doctor's appointment and an ultrasound. We are having a boy! Honestly, we didn't care either way, as long as the baby was healthy. He was moving and kicking all over the place yesterday. It was adorable to watch him sommersault and move all over. He is measuring over a week ahead of where he should be, so that is a good thing. He's growing well! I'd much rather have a 10lb baby than a 2lb one! He was shy at first and we couldn't get a good look at his little boy parts. The ultrasound tech was gently pushing on my tummy trying to get him to move so that we could see. He must not have like that, becuase he hauled off and punched right at where she was pushing. It was pretty funny! Everything looked great, although with him being so active, we weren't able to get any good pictures of his face. So, we get to have another ultrasound in two weeks, hoping that maybe he'll be a little calmer.
Of course I HAD to go shopping to get him some new clothes. He got a few outfits. One of the onsies says, "Little Brother" on it. Can't wait to see him in it!
Marc and I were talking on the way home. Thinking of what it will be like in a couple of years. Marleigh will have her little brother all dressed up in dresses and putting make up on him, I'm sure. Poor little guy. However, I'm sure in about 10 years, he'll be tormenting Marleigh and all her friends, so I think it will all even out! :)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Natalie's last couple of days
I had sent this email to a couple of friends shortly after we lost Natalie. The last few days it has really been on my mind. I realized that so many of you invested so much emotionally in our lives, yet we hadn't shared with you her whole story. Here it is.
February 18th started out like any other day for us. We got up, ate breakfast, and headed over to see our sweet babies. Usually, we would hold them in the morning during their feedings. Daddy would hold one of them, and I would hold the other. Looking back, I realize how much I cherish those memories. We’d talk back and forth. We’d joke with the nurses. Sometimes we would just sit and listen to them breathing. That morning, both of the girls were supposed to get blood transfusions, which is very common with preemies. Since they were getting the transfusions, we had to wait to hold them until their afternoon feeding at 4:00. I had finished holding Marleigh (I started before Daddy did), and was standing watching a very proud Daddy hold his little girl. That’s when Natalie started crying. We tried to calm her, but she kept crying. It was a painful cry. We knew that our poor little girl was hurting. It was breaking my heart. Before long, I was crying as well.
A few minutes later, the doctor on call came over. Dr. Dorn examined her and couldn’t find anything wrong. He suggested that maybe she was constipated & ordered an X-ray to investigate. The first X-ray confirmed her bowels were full of stool. He also mentioned that it was a little suspicious for something called NEC. But, our sweet girl wasn’t showing any of the normal symptoms. He decided to give her a suppository and some morphine for the pain. We waited with her in agony. I was praying nonstop. She wasn’t crying anymore, but we still knew she was hurting. Two hours later, another X-ray. This X-ray confirmed that it was in fact NEC. Dr. Dorn explained that if we could make if 48 hours without her bowel perforating, she would be okay. 48 hours would give the antibiotics enough time to work. So we waited some more. Two hours later, came another X-ray. It was our worst nightmare. Her bowel had perforated. I can see it so clearly in my head. I screamed, “Dear God, no. No, no, no, no….” Within minutes, the pediatric surgeon, Dr. Knight, was speaking with us. He was very pessimistic about Natalie’s prognosis. He thought that he might open her up to find a lot of dead bowel. If that was the case, there would be nothing he could do. A few moments later, they were taking our tiny little baby into surgery. About an hour later, the doctor came back. He was shocked to find that he only had to remove a relatively small part of her bowel. He was now very optimistic. Dr. Dorn cried tears of joy with us. Dr. Knight said that Natalie would be fine.
We sat with her for another hour after surgery. By now it was 6am. We were emotionally and physically exhausted. She was doing well and the doctor told us to go get some rest. We left for 3 hours to sleep. I now feel so guilty for leaving her alone for even a minute.
Arriving back to Natalie’s bedside, we knew things weren’t good. Her little tummy was all a deep purple. A doctor was stationed by her bed. Mina, one of our favorite nurses, was constantly working on her. For some reason, Natalie’s blood wasn’t clotting and her blood was very acidic. Her little heart was racing. However, her lungs were doing incredibly well. She was still breathing on her own. I tried so hard to be strong. I cupped one hand around her head & the other around her feet. I fought back tears, and sang to my precious baby. For some reason, the only songs that came to mind were Jesus Loves Me and Amazing Grace. I sang them over and over for a few hours. I kept praying, kept telling Daddy that everything was going to be okay. That our little girl was strong. She was a fighter. Every hour they would test her pH levels and every hour we would hope for a miracle. Each test came back worse than before. About 2:00, her sweet eyes opened. She looked right at us for a few minutes. It killed me to not be able to do something for my baby. I was her mother, yet there was nothing I could do. Around 3:00, Daddy left for a few minutes to update our family. I will never forget the next few minutes. While he was gone, another blood gas came back even worse. I asked Mina, “am I watching my daughter die?” With tear filled eyes, she said, “yes.” They continued to try everything in their power for the next few hours. Mina worked so hard. Finally Natalie's heart rate that had raced all day started coming down. We were praying it would level off at a normal rate. However, it continued to fall. Her little heart, was exhausted. As it dropped below 100, they asked if I would like to hold her for her final minutes. Selfishly, at first I said no. I didn’t want that to be my last memory of my beautiful daughter. Then I thought of her. I wanted her to know Mommy was here and that Mommy loved her so much. They placed her in my arms. By this time, the ventilator was breathing for her. Out of love for our daughter, we asked that they turn the ventilator off. The next few seconds were the worst of my life. I was crying and telling her not to be scared and how much I loved her. My sweet baby left my arms and went into the arms of our Heavenly Father.
I am so honored to say that I was Natalie Grace’s mother. She was so strong, and fought with every fiber of her being. I am so proud of her. I was so blessed for the time she was in my life. I am so very thankful that Marc and I spent every day with her. We got to know her sweet spirit so well in those short 27 days. She may have only been here on earth for a brief moment, but she will forever be in our hearts.
February 18th started out like any other day for us. We got up, ate breakfast, and headed over to see our sweet babies. Usually, we would hold them in the morning during their feedings. Daddy would hold one of them, and I would hold the other. Looking back, I realize how much I cherish those memories. We’d talk back and forth. We’d joke with the nurses. Sometimes we would just sit and listen to them breathing. That morning, both of the girls were supposed to get blood transfusions, which is very common with preemies. Since they were getting the transfusions, we had to wait to hold them until their afternoon feeding at 4:00. I had finished holding Marleigh (I started before Daddy did), and was standing watching a very proud Daddy hold his little girl. That’s when Natalie started crying. We tried to calm her, but she kept crying. It was a painful cry. We knew that our poor little girl was hurting. It was breaking my heart. Before long, I was crying as well.
A few minutes later, the doctor on call came over. Dr. Dorn examined her and couldn’t find anything wrong. He suggested that maybe she was constipated & ordered an X-ray to investigate. The first X-ray confirmed her bowels were full of stool. He also mentioned that it was a little suspicious for something called NEC. But, our sweet girl wasn’t showing any of the normal symptoms. He decided to give her a suppository and some morphine for the pain. We waited with her in agony. I was praying nonstop. She wasn’t crying anymore, but we still knew she was hurting. Two hours later, another X-ray. This X-ray confirmed that it was in fact NEC. Dr. Dorn explained that if we could make if 48 hours without her bowel perforating, she would be okay. 48 hours would give the antibiotics enough time to work. So we waited some more. Two hours later, came another X-ray. It was our worst nightmare. Her bowel had perforated. I can see it so clearly in my head. I screamed, “Dear God, no. No, no, no, no….” Within minutes, the pediatric surgeon, Dr. Knight, was speaking with us. He was very pessimistic about Natalie’s prognosis. He thought that he might open her up to find a lot of dead bowel. If that was the case, there would be nothing he could do. A few moments later, they were taking our tiny little baby into surgery. About an hour later, the doctor came back. He was shocked to find that he only had to remove a relatively small part of her bowel. He was now very optimistic. Dr. Dorn cried tears of joy with us. Dr. Knight said that Natalie would be fine.
We sat with her for another hour after surgery. By now it was 6am. We were emotionally and physically exhausted. She was doing well and the doctor told us to go get some rest. We left for 3 hours to sleep. I now feel so guilty for leaving her alone for even a minute.
Arriving back to Natalie’s bedside, we knew things weren’t good. Her little tummy was all a deep purple. A doctor was stationed by her bed. Mina, one of our favorite nurses, was constantly working on her. For some reason, Natalie’s blood wasn’t clotting and her blood was very acidic. Her little heart was racing. However, her lungs were doing incredibly well. She was still breathing on her own. I tried so hard to be strong. I cupped one hand around her head & the other around her feet. I fought back tears, and sang to my precious baby. For some reason, the only songs that came to mind were Jesus Loves Me and Amazing Grace. I sang them over and over for a few hours. I kept praying, kept telling Daddy that everything was going to be okay. That our little girl was strong. She was a fighter. Every hour they would test her pH levels and every hour we would hope for a miracle. Each test came back worse than before. About 2:00, her sweet eyes opened. She looked right at us for a few minutes. It killed me to not be able to do something for my baby. I was her mother, yet there was nothing I could do. Around 3:00, Daddy left for a few minutes to update our family. I will never forget the next few minutes. While he was gone, another blood gas came back even worse. I asked Mina, “am I watching my daughter die?” With tear filled eyes, she said, “yes.” They continued to try everything in their power for the next few hours. Mina worked so hard. Finally Natalie's heart rate that had raced all day started coming down. We were praying it would level off at a normal rate. However, it continued to fall. Her little heart, was exhausted. As it dropped below 100, they asked if I would like to hold her for her final minutes. Selfishly, at first I said no. I didn’t want that to be my last memory of my beautiful daughter. Then I thought of her. I wanted her to know Mommy was here and that Mommy loved her so much. They placed her in my arms. By this time, the ventilator was breathing for her. Out of love for our daughter, we asked that they turn the ventilator off. The next few seconds were the worst of my life. I was crying and telling her not to be scared and how much I loved her. My sweet baby left my arms and went into the arms of our Heavenly Father.
I am so honored to say that I was Natalie Grace’s mother. She was so strong, and fought with every fiber of her being. I am so proud of her. I was so blessed for the time she was in my life. I am so very thankful that Marc and I spent every day with her. We got to know her sweet spirit so well in those short 27 days. She may have only been here on earth for a brief moment, but she will forever be in our hearts.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Pictures from Marleigh's birthday!
Our family.
Marleigh HAD to sit on every present before we opened it. I guess it was some sort of durability test?!?
Look at her curls! I LOVE them. Although the sides of her hair haven't grown as fast as the middle, so she kind of has a curly mohawk, but I think it is adorable!
Marleigh LOVED the skirt that Grandma & Grandpa Johnson got her. She had to put it on.
Her new tricycle that Mommy and Daddy got her. 
Such a diva!
My future is so bright, I gotta wear shades!
Luke giving Marleigh a little love.
Brinley enjoying her party favors. 
Hmmmm... does this sweet little girl look like she's up to something?
She was! Got into the pantry all by herself and got herself a snack. Chocolate!!!Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Marleigh's Great Grandpa Cline
My grandfather, William H. Cline was an amazing man. The past few years we watched him slip with Parkinson's and Alzheimer's. Last Tuesday morning he was taken to the hospital. Wednesday evening, with all of us around him, Grandpa went to be with the Lord.
My grandpa was the best grandfather that I could have asked for. Growing up, it seemed so normal to always have him around. To always have him at every concert or game. To go spend the night with grandma and grandpa and go swimming at the spa with them. Now that I'm an adult, I fully realize how lucky I was to have such loving, attentive grandparents.
Grandpa and grandma were so involved in everything we did. They doted on our every accomplishment. They would drive hundreds of miles to be at our softball or basketball games. If more than one grandkid was playing that day, they'd split their time, sometimes spending 4-5 hours driving just to make sure we knew they loved us and were proud of us.
My grandfather was a great role model. He had a very strong faith and tried to be Christ-like in his daily life. I honestly can not remember him every speaking badly of anyone. He was always in church and was a very giving man.
Grandpa was a great father. Of course I didn't know him when he was raising my dad and my uncle, but I look at the men they have become. Both my dad and uncle are two of the best guys I know. They are both very caring, hardworking, honest, and have a great faith. I'm sure that is due to the fact that my grandfather was a great father and mentor to them. I also got to see how proud my grandfather was of his boys. He loved and respected them very much. And I know the feeling was mutual.
Grandpa was a wonderful of example of what a husband or spouse should be. Any married couple will tell you that all marriages have their disagreements. My grandparents must have hid them very well. I NEVER heard him every say a cross word to her or about her. No matter what, he respected her. He was so protective of my grandmother. Always making sure she was taken care of. If it was important to her, it was important to him. I can remember when my grandmother's Alzheimer's was progressing. He loved her so much, that he didn't want anyone to realize how much she was slipping. It was yet another way he was trying to protect her.
I am so very thankful for all of my wonderful memories of my grandfather. The older I get the more and more I cherish those memories and realize how lucky I was. I regret that Marleigh will never know this amazing man, but his legacy will continue. Her grandpa is equally as great as mine was. I know he is now reunited with Grandma and they are both whole again. I look forward to seeing you both again someday. I love you so much.
Friday, February 4, 2011
The Splash Pad will be a reality!
I am so very excited to let you all know, that PRIDE (the group I'm working with on the Splash Pad) received the grant we applied for! Only a few communities in Kansas are awarded this grant, and we are beyond thrilled that Larned was chosen. It is for a whole park renovation. Of course the grant does NOT cover everything. Now that we know 100% for sure this is going to be a reality, I will be accepting donations again in Natalie's memory. I have collected right under $5000 so far. Thank you so much to all who have contributed! I would absolutely LOVE to have $10,000 raised by April. So, if you or anyone that you know of would like to contribute, please let me know. Every little bit helps! The splash pad will be something that is FREE and available to ALL children that live or are passing through Larned. I think it is the perfect way to remember our little girl.
We are also using volunteers to build the park. I'll have more on that later. We are planning on doing the work in April. If you would like to help with that, please let me know. If you are from out of town, you are more than welcome to stay at our house. The only expense you would have is to get yourself here. We'd take care of the rest.
I can't wait to see our dream be a reality!
We are also using volunteers to build the park. I'll have more on that later. We are planning on doing the work in April. If you would like to help with that, please let me know. If you are from out of town, you are more than welcome to stay at our house. The only expense you would have is to get yourself here. We'd take care of the rest.
I can't wait to see our dream be a reality!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
2 year Check up
Marleigh had her two year check up a couple of weeks ago. Daddy took her to it since it is my busy time of year. Since her 18 month appointment, she has grown 3 inches! She is now 34.5 inches tall, which is in the 65th percentile. The doctor was very happy with that. However, she hasn't gained any weight at all. Still 23.5 lbs, which is in the 5th percentile. Marc said he was quizzing him on what she ate, and if we fed her. I'm glad I wasn't there because I don't think I would have been very nice! Marleigh gets a fruit, veggie, and protein at lunch and dinner. And usually a grain of somesort, too. Her breakfasts are usually a grain and fruit of some form or eggs. She eats very healthy food for the most part. I think one of the main reasons she hasn't gained weight is that at 18 months, she was just learning to walk. Now, she runs everywhere ALL the time. I just don't think she's ever going to be a big girl. She's tall like her Dad, but her frame is tiny. Good thing Daddy took her to her check up. Like I said, I don't think I would have been very nice. You don't wanna mess with this mama!
I'll post pics of her party as soon as I can!
I'll post pics of her party as soon as I can!
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