Marleigh had another eye check up last week. As is turns out, Marleigh needs to get glasses. The crazy thing is, it has NOTHING to do with her being a preemie. She has amblyopia or a "lazy" eye. The doctor thinks that it may be correctable with glasses. We ordered her a cute, purple pair last week. They should be in sometime first of next week. If you see Marleigh wearing her glasses in the next couple of weeks, please tell her how beautiful she looks in them.
~~
Marleigh makes us laugh non-stop. Here's a few more stories.
Marc and I were talking in the kitchen. Marleigh was preoccupied eating at the table. We didn't think she was paying attention at all. I said to Marc, "Marc, you have to remember that she is only 2." Her little head whipped around and she says just as serious as she could be, "Marc, I'm only 2!"
~~
Marleigh was being a bit ornery the other day. Marc just kind of threw his hands up in the air and sat down on the couch. Marleigh crawled up beside him, smiled, and said, "Daddy, are you frustrated with me?"
~~
A few weeks ago, we were out at Gigi's. Marleigh couldn't see out the window, so she says to me (and this is verbatim), "Mommy, could you please look outside and tell me what is going on?" What 2 year old uses complex sentences like that?!? (Prime example why we sometimes have to remind ourselves that she IS only 2!)
Friday, October 28, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
I tend to be an open book. Maybe I share a little too much. Maybe that's why I blog. I feel that since I share all the good stuff, that it is only right that I share some of the not so good stuff, so here goes.
A few weeks ago, both Marc and my Mom noticed that I just hadn't quite been myself lately. Within a day of each other (and both without the other one knowing), they came to me worried I might be suffering with some postpartum depression. I knew I had been a little stressed, but I guess I hadn't noticed the magnitude. Granted, I wasn't crying all the time or anything, but I was on edge.
It all began when Marleigh was having such a rough time coping with having a new baby brother, and sharing Mommy and Daddy. Knowing how unhappy she was, ate me alive. After everything she has gone through, all I ever want is for her to be happy and healthy. And she wasn't. It seemed to be all my fault, because I wasn't able to give her all the attention she was so desperately wanting. No matter what I tried, I couldn't fix it.
Then, all of the sudden, Kade became colicky. I don't think I need to explain the stress of having a baby scream for hours on end.
We figured out that Kade wasn't handling breast milk well, and we would need to switch to formula. I know it sounds silly, but it was a huge disappointment for me. Nursing is such a special thing between a mother and her baby.
I started back to work, and felt the guilt, that I'm sure all working mothers do. Eventhough I only work parttime, I still felt like I wasn't spending as much time with my children as I should.
I am an accountant and a financial advisor. I deal with numbers and money. We do just fine, but my nature is to budget, worry, and over analyze when it comes to money. Having two kids in daycare, the added cost of formula..... it was making me a little nervous.
I have never been a neat freak, but it seemed that by the time I worked, spent every waking minute with the kids, that I just could not get caught up on the house, and I hated that.
Marc and I have discussed it, and we are pretty sure that we are now done having children. Again, it will probably sound very funny to most people, but the thought of never feeling a baby kick again is a little tough. I LOVED most every minute of being pregnant. It is a little sad to think that I will never experience that again. Don't get me wrong.... I am so thankful that I did experience it and for the three children I have been blessed with.
Then there was the fact that I have two healthy, beautiful, growing children. I should be the happiest mama on earth. I love them more than anything, so what the heck is wrong with me that I am so stressed out?!?
All of this added up to me feeling a little stressed/cranky/edgy. I had chalked it up to nothing more than that. As I said before, I am an open book.... a bit of a talker. I decided that maybe I should talk to my friend and our pastor, Pastor Ryan Webster. He is a great guy. He actually was a psychologist before entering the ministry.
Pastor Ryan opened my eyes to some things. My previous experiences with the girls being born premature, losing Natalie, being scared to death we would lose Marleigh, etc., has had a profound impact on being a parent for me.
I have NEVER been overly cautious or overprotective (I've got a rap sheet from the ER a mile long), but I am now with my children....to a fault. I want to protect them and shelter them. Make sure they are ALWAYS safe and happy. Well, guess, what.... ain't gonna happen. Kids will get sick, they'll be unhappy at times, they'll fall off the slide. That's part of life. I can't shelter them from everything, no matter how much I try.
I love my kids so much. I want Marleigh and Kade to have the perfect childhood and the perfect mother. I have set an unrealistic expectation in my mind of what the "perfect mother" is. No matter what I try or what I do, I was NEVER going to measure up to the bar I had set for myself. As Pastor Ryan said, "I was setting myself up to fail."
I'm not sure if I would call it postpartum. Maybe somewhat. But I think more than anything it was post child loss. Losing a child changes so many things. It affects every facet of your life and who you are. It affects your core belief system. You will never get over it. You will never go back to how things were before. You have to learn a new normal. It makes you fully realize that every minute you have with your children is the most precious gift. You lose the naivety of thinking you have all the time in the world.
Things are getting better. I am trying to not be so hard on myself, and let the little things go. I'm going to stop wasting time worrying and just soak up every minute of my two precious babies.
A few weeks ago, both Marc and my Mom noticed that I just hadn't quite been myself lately. Within a day of each other (and both without the other one knowing), they came to me worried I might be suffering with some postpartum depression. I knew I had been a little stressed, but I guess I hadn't noticed the magnitude. Granted, I wasn't crying all the time or anything, but I was on edge.
It all began when Marleigh was having such a rough time coping with having a new baby brother, and sharing Mommy and Daddy. Knowing how unhappy she was, ate me alive. After everything she has gone through, all I ever want is for her to be happy and healthy. And she wasn't. It seemed to be all my fault, because I wasn't able to give her all the attention she was so desperately wanting. No matter what I tried, I couldn't fix it.
Then, all of the sudden, Kade became colicky. I don't think I need to explain the stress of having a baby scream for hours on end.
We figured out that Kade wasn't handling breast milk well, and we would need to switch to formula. I know it sounds silly, but it was a huge disappointment for me. Nursing is such a special thing between a mother and her baby.
I started back to work, and felt the guilt, that I'm sure all working mothers do. Eventhough I only work parttime, I still felt like I wasn't spending as much time with my children as I should.
I am an accountant and a financial advisor. I deal with numbers and money. We do just fine, but my nature is to budget, worry, and over analyze when it comes to money. Having two kids in daycare, the added cost of formula..... it was making me a little nervous.
I have never been a neat freak, but it seemed that by the time I worked, spent every waking minute with the kids, that I just could not get caught up on the house, and I hated that.
Marc and I have discussed it, and we are pretty sure that we are now done having children. Again, it will probably sound very funny to most people, but the thought of never feeling a baby kick again is a little tough. I LOVED most every minute of being pregnant. It is a little sad to think that I will never experience that again. Don't get me wrong.... I am so thankful that I did experience it and for the three children I have been blessed with.
Then there was the fact that I have two healthy, beautiful, growing children. I should be the happiest mama on earth. I love them more than anything, so what the heck is wrong with me that I am so stressed out?!?
All of this added up to me feeling a little stressed/cranky/edgy. I had chalked it up to nothing more than that. As I said before, I am an open book.... a bit of a talker. I decided that maybe I should talk to my friend and our pastor, Pastor Ryan Webster. He is a great guy. He actually was a psychologist before entering the ministry.
Pastor Ryan opened my eyes to some things. My previous experiences with the girls being born premature, losing Natalie, being scared to death we would lose Marleigh, etc., has had a profound impact on being a parent for me.
I have NEVER been overly cautious or overprotective (I've got a rap sheet from the ER a mile long), but I am now with my children....to a fault. I want to protect them and shelter them. Make sure they are ALWAYS safe and happy. Well, guess, what.... ain't gonna happen. Kids will get sick, they'll be unhappy at times, they'll fall off the slide. That's part of life. I can't shelter them from everything, no matter how much I try.
I love my kids so much. I want Marleigh and Kade to have the perfect childhood and the perfect mother. I have set an unrealistic expectation in my mind of what the "perfect mother" is. No matter what I try or what I do, I was NEVER going to measure up to the bar I had set for myself. As Pastor Ryan said, "I was setting myself up to fail."
I'm not sure if I would call it postpartum. Maybe somewhat. But I think more than anything it was post child loss. Losing a child changes so many things. It affects every facet of your life and who you are. It affects your core belief system. You will never get over it. You will never go back to how things were before. You have to learn a new normal. It makes you fully realize that every minute you have with your children is the most precious gift. You lose the naivety of thinking you have all the time in the world.
Things are getting better. I am trying to not be so hard on myself, and let the little things go. I'm going to stop wasting time worrying and just soak up every minute of my two precious babies.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Happy 3 month birthday, Kade (a couple of days late)
I can not believe Kade is already 3 months old! Since I plan on printing the blog for both Kade and Marleigh to have, here is Kade's 3 month letter.
Kade Robert-
You are already 3 months old! Where does time go? I can't seem to remember life without you. You are such a happy baby.
You smile all the time and laugh quite a bit. It is the cutest laugh. It is kind of a low, "huh, huh, huh." Just the other night, after our 4:00am feeding, I gave you your bink and put you back in your crib. A few minutes later you were fussing just a bit. I went back to your room, and you had spit your bink out. As soon as you saw me, you gave me a huge smile and laughed, "huh, huh, huh..." We repeated that about 3 times. It was like you were saying, "I knew I could get you to come back in here!!!"
You recognize quite a few people including Mommy, Daddy, Gigi, Ashley (our daycare), and Marleigh. You love your sister so much and watch her all the time. As soon as she speaks, you are looking to find her. You give her some of your biggest smiles. She loves you, too. She is always wanting to help change your diaper, feed you, and give you a bath. You really enjoy your baths, as well.
You are a BIG boy! Already, you weigh over 20lbs! You are almost to catch up to Marleigh. She tries to hold you, but she huffs and puffs and says, "he's soooo big!" You are still wearing some 9 month clothes now, but 12 month clothes fit, too. Everyone thinks you are older than what you are because you are such a big boy.
You have started reaching and grabbing things. You are VERY attentive and track objects well. I think you think you are older than what you are, too! You try to sit up, and can for just a few seconds, before starting to lean over. Daddy works with you on standing. You love to stand and bounce. It makes you grin from ear to ear. You babble back when we talk to you, and are very expressive.
I amazed at what a good eater you are! Up until recently, you were taking 8 ounces of formula every 3 hours. In the last week, you have space that out to 4 hours.
You are such a fantastic sleeper. I just put you in your bed with your bink, and you usually go right to sleep. Typically, you go down for the night around 8:00pm. Most of the time you wake up around 4:00am for a bottle, then go right back to sleep. There has been a few nights, where you've slept clear until 7:00!
Kade, we love you more than words can express. You've already brought us so much joy. I can not wait to see all that God has in store for you!
Love,
Mommy, Daddy, and Marleigh
Kade Robert-
You are already 3 months old! Where does time go? I can't seem to remember life without you. You are such a happy baby.
You smile all the time and laugh quite a bit. It is the cutest laugh. It is kind of a low, "huh, huh, huh." Just the other night, after our 4:00am feeding, I gave you your bink and put you back in your crib. A few minutes later you were fussing just a bit. I went back to your room, and you had spit your bink out. As soon as you saw me, you gave me a huge smile and laughed, "huh, huh, huh..." We repeated that about 3 times. It was like you were saying, "I knew I could get you to come back in here!!!"
You recognize quite a few people including Mommy, Daddy, Gigi, Ashley (our daycare), and Marleigh. You love your sister so much and watch her all the time. As soon as she speaks, you are looking to find her. You give her some of your biggest smiles. She loves you, too. She is always wanting to help change your diaper, feed you, and give you a bath. You really enjoy your baths, as well.
You are a BIG boy! Already, you weigh over 20lbs! You are almost to catch up to Marleigh. She tries to hold you, but she huffs and puffs and says, "he's soooo big!" You are still wearing some 9 month clothes now, but 12 month clothes fit, too. Everyone thinks you are older than what you are because you are such a big boy.
You have started reaching and grabbing things. You are VERY attentive and track objects well. I think you think you are older than what you are, too! You try to sit up, and can for just a few seconds, before starting to lean over. Daddy works with you on standing. You love to stand and bounce. It makes you grin from ear to ear. You babble back when we talk to you, and are very expressive.
I amazed at what a good eater you are! Up until recently, you were taking 8 ounces of formula every 3 hours. In the last week, you have space that out to 4 hours.
You are such a fantastic sleeper. I just put you in your bed with your bink, and you usually go right to sleep. Typically, you go down for the night around 8:00pm. Most of the time you wake up around 4:00am for a bottle, then go right back to sleep. There has been a few nights, where you've slept clear until 7:00!
Kade, we love you more than words can express. You've already brought us so much joy. I can not wait to see all that God has in store for you!
Love,
Mommy, Daddy, and Marleigh
Friday, October 14, 2011
Pictures
Last weekend we had a girls weekend (+Luke and Kade) at my sister's house. My Mom, Aunt Karen, and sister have been having girls weekend for years now. Here's a couple pics of the kids, that I just had to share!
Luke had so much fun with both Marleigh and Kade. He is going to be in big brother in just a few short weeks, and he is going to be a GREAT one!!! I can not wait to meet his little sister!!!
~~
Took this next picture tonight before putting the kids to bed. I love it! My 3 most favorite people on this Earth!
 |
| Love these kids!!! |
 |
| The men had to stick together! |
~~
Took this next picture tonight before putting the kids to bed. I love it! My 3 most favorite people on this Earth!
 |
| Tractor House magazine.... a perfect bedtime story!!! |
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
My Little Farm Girl
Even though Marc and I aren't farmers ourselves, I LOVE that we live close enough for our kids to enjoy my Dad's farm. Ever since Marleigh has been little she has gotten so much joy in riding in the trucks, combines, and tractors.
It is adorable to watch her "farming" with her toy John Deere farm equipment. Most of the time, she has her purse on her arm while farming or has her "pretties" on. At Gigi's she wears her "fancy shoes" (a bunch of toy dress up shoes) and farms in her heels. It is awesome that she already knows what many of the implements are! :)
Marleigh keeps her own stash of Tractor House magazines and looks at them all the time. Marc has taught her so much. She'll tell you which is a four wheel drive, and that all the red ones are dirty! Ha! Now, whenever she sees a red tractor, she says, "They should paint it green!"
Marleigh has gotten into narrating as we drive in the country. She will give you a play by play of the crops, animals, and equipment as we drive by. Some of my favorites to hear her say are "alfalfa" and "wheat stubble". The other day, way off in the distance was a swather. Just glancing, I thought it was a combine. Not sure if she saw it, I said, "Marleigh, there's a combine way out there." Marleigh was quick to correct me. "It is a swather, Mommy."
Out on my family farm, all the guys's personal pickups have beds with their fuel tanks, tool boxes, etc. The pickup the farm owns has a flatbed on it. That pickup is referred to as the "farm pickup". I tried to point out a pickup to Marleigh as we were driving (it had a flatbed on it). Yet again, I was corrected. "Mommy, it is a FARM pickup."
Marleigh really likes cows. I'm not sure why, but she loves them and always wants to pet them. She goes nuts when she sees cows "swimming" in ponds. As hot as it has been all summer, we've seen quite a few. Her little voice goes up about 3 octaves and she screams, "Mommy, the cows are swimming!!!"
However, she didn't find the humor in my joke.
Me: Marleigh, look, summer cows!
Marleigh: What are summer cows?
Me: Some are white, some are brown, some are black.
Marleigh: Do what?!?
Here is our conversation from yesterday driving home.
Marleigh: MILO!!! I want to get in a combine and cut it!
Me: Honey, it isn't our milo to cut.
Marleigh: Do you think Papa has some milo?
Me: Yes.
Marleigh: Do you think Papa will let me help him cut the milo?
Me: Well, I don't know. What do you think?
Marleigh: I bet he will. He's a nice guy.
I'm so glad she'll have all these farm memories growing up. :)
It is adorable to watch her "farming" with her toy John Deere farm equipment. Most of the time, she has her purse on her arm while farming or has her "pretties" on. At Gigi's she wears her "fancy shoes" (a bunch of toy dress up shoes) and farms in her heels. It is awesome that she already knows what many of the implements are! :)
Marleigh keeps her own stash of Tractor House magazines and looks at them all the time. Marc has taught her so much. She'll tell you which is a four wheel drive, and that all the red ones are dirty! Ha! Now, whenever she sees a red tractor, she says, "They should paint it green!"
Marleigh has gotten into narrating as we drive in the country. She will give you a play by play of the crops, animals, and equipment as we drive by. Some of my favorites to hear her say are "alfalfa" and "wheat stubble". The other day, way off in the distance was a swather. Just glancing, I thought it was a combine. Not sure if she saw it, I said, "Marleigh, there's a combine way out there." Marleigh was quick to correct me. "It is a swather, Mommy."
Out on my family farm, all the guys's personal pickups have beds with their fuel tanks, tool boxes, etc. The pickup the farm owns has a flatbed on it. That pickup is referred to as the "farm pickup". I tried to point out a pickup to Marleigh as we were driving (it had a flatbed on it). Yet again, I was corrected. "Mommy, it is a FARM pickup."
Marleigh really likes cows. I'm not sure why, but she loves them and always wants to pet them. She goes nuts when she sees cows "swimming" in ponds. As hot as it has been all summer, we've seen quite a few. Her little voice goes up about 3 octaves and she screams, "Mommy, the cows are swimming!!!"
However, she didn't find the humor in my joke.
Me: Marleigh, look, summer cows!
Marleigh: What are summer cows?
Me: Some are white, some are brown, some are black.
Marleigh: Do what?!?
Here is our conversation from yesterday driving home.
Marleigh: MILO!!! I want to get in a combine and cut it!
Me: Honey, it isn't our milo to cut.
Marleigh: Do you think Papa has some milo?
Me: Yes.
Marleigh: Do you think Papa will let me help him cut the milo?
Me: Well, I don't know. What do you think?
Marleigh: I bet he will. He's a nice guy.
I'm so glad she'll have all these farm memories growing up. :)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Catching up....
The last few weeks have been busy!
Kade is doing so much better on formula. However, he still wasn't sleeping like he used to, so I took him to the chiropractor. Dr. Randy Schmidt is amazing! He adjusted Kade's pelvis and back, and rubbed some pressure points. Kade screamed the entire time that Dr. Randy was working on him the first time. He was obviously very sore. That night, he slept better. He actually slept for 6 hours straight. The second treatment was very much like the first one. Kade screamed the whole time. That night, he had the nastiest diaper I had ever seen. We were traveling back to Mound City (more on that later) and had to throw away his clothes. It was like he had worked loose something toxic and it made it way out of Kade's system. The third treatment, Kade smiled and laughed while Dr. Randy worked on him. You could tell that he wasn't near as sore. That night, Kade slept 10.5 hours straight!!! I was amazed. Kade now goes to sleep every night around 8:00, gets up around 4:00am to eat, then goes right back to bed til around 7:00am. It is pure heaven! Thank you so much Dr. Randy!!!
Marleigh has been doing much better the last few days. She is no longer screaming when I feed Kade and has become way more interactive with him. We're hoping things continue to improve.
~~
The weekend before last, we headed back to Mound City for Marc's brother's Memorial Softball Tournament. Every year Marc & his sisters have a team. We are not good by any means, but we have a great time and we are improving! It is a bittersweet weekend getting to spend time with family and celebrating Matt's life. While we are playing, we enlist the help of anyone willing to watch the kids. Thank you Aunt Mae, Aunt Johnna, Aunt Pat, Paige, and Audrey for riding herd on the kiddos! We really appreciate it!
This past weekend Marc was in Manhattan for the KSU game. My cousin, Kevin, got married, so we got to see all of my Mom's family. It was a beautiful wedding. Congrats to Kevin and his wife, Kelci. Two of my Mom's sisters live in Georgia, so we don't get to see them very often. It was great catching up and spending time with them. We hosted a little get together Sunday evening at our house, and it was a great time. Everyone brought some food. We grilled and hung out in the backyard. Good times!
~~
I've got some cute Marleigh stories, but those will have to wait til next time!!!
Kade is doing so much better on formula. However, he still wasn't sleeping like he used to, so I took him to the chiropractor. Dr. Randy Schmidt is amazing! He adjusted Kade's pelvis and back, and rubbed some pressure points. Kade screamed the entire time that Dr. Randy was working on him the first time. He was obviously very sore. That night, he slept better. He actually slept for 6 hours straight. The second treatment was very much like the first one. Kade screamed the whole time. That night, he had the nastiest diaper I had ever seen. We were traveling back to Mound City (more on that later) and had to throw away his clothes. It was like he had worked loose something toxic and it made it way out of Kade's system. The third treatment, Kade smiled and laughed while Dr. Randy worked on him. You could tell that he wasn't near as sore. That night, Kade slept 10.5 hours straight!!! I was amazed. Kade now goes to sleep every night around 8:00, gets up around 4:00am to eat, then goes right back to bed til around 7:00am. It is pure heaven! Thank you so much Dr. Randy!!!
Marleigh has been doing much better the last few days. She is no longer screaming when I feed Kade and has become way more interactive with him. We're hoping things continue to improve.
~~
The weekend before last, we headed back to Mound City for Marc's brother's Memorial Softball Tournament. Every year Marc & his sisters have a team. We are not good by any means, but we have a great time and we are improving! It is a bittersweet weekend getting to spend time with family and celebrating Matt's life. While we are playing, we enlist the help of anyone willing to watch the kids. Thank you Aunt Mae, Aunt Johnna, Aunt Pat, Paige, and Audrey for riding herd on the kiddos! We really appreciate it!
This past weekend Marc was in Manhattan for the KSU game. My cousin, Kevin, got married, so we got to see all of my Mom's family. It was a beautiful wedding. Congrats to Kevin and his wife, Kelci. Two of my Mom's sisters live in Georgia, so we don't get to see them very often. It was great catching up and spending time with them. We hosted a little get together Sunday evening at our house, and it was a great time. Everyone brought some food. We grilled and hung out in the backyard. Good times!
~~
I've got some cute Marleigh stories, but those will have to wait til next time!!!
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