Marleigh and I were playing in her room last week. Daddy and Kade were out in the living room. She has really been big into talking about how Daddy and Kade are boys and Mommy and Marleigh are girls. We were coloring, and so sweetly, Marleigh says, "It's just the girls in my room. Except we're missing my sister, Natalie. Someday, I'll play with her in heaven."
Instantly, I choked up. I mean, we've talked about Natalie with her, but never in great detail. Prior to that day, Marleigh had never brought her up on her own. I grabbed Marleigh and hugged her so very tight. I don't think she understood why her crazy mama was crying and loving on her so much.
~~~
On Sunday before the girls's birthday, we took a trip out to Natalie's grave. Marleigh kept saying, "We're going to see my sister, Natalie." We tried to explain that we were just going out to a place to remember Natalie, that her spirit was in heaven. Marleigh wasn't quite able to comprehend all of it, but you could tell she was trying to process it all.
Obviously, Marleigh is getting to the age where she is understanding more. I struggle with how much do I tell her and when do I tell her. We have never let her see any pictures from when her and Natalie were in the hospital, because I don't want it to upset or scare her. On the other hand, I don't want to keep her in the dark about everything that her and Natalie went through, either. This weighs so heavy on my heart. I know this will be something that she will have to deal with and work through as she grows up. The last thing I want to do is to make this any harder on Marleigh than it has to be. Please pray that God will guide us in the right direction.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
My Mom
For as long as I can remember, I always wanted to come back to Larned after college. I loved small town life, I loved knowing everyone, and the majority of my family is here. I had no idea how important the later would become after I had children of my own.
I don't know how she did it when my sister and I were little. My Dad worked very hard to provide for us and was sometimes gone for weeks at a time hauling silage. Even when he was home, he worked many long hours. I love how hard working my Dad was, but it put a load on my Mom to care for 2 small kids all by herself. I go nuts after just a few days when Marc is away for work.
Since graduating college and moving back to Larned, my Mom and I's relationship has grown so much. I can remember when I was young, my Mom would always tell me, "My job isn't to be your best friend, it is to be your mother." Back then that was so very true. (As a parent now, I foresee myself stealing that line from my Mom.) But once her job was done, once I was an adult and out on my own, she became one of my best friends. For that, I am so very lucky.
Of course I knew that she was an amazing mother.... she has had that role since the day I was born. But until I saw it in action, I could have never dreamed what a caring, patient, loving, playful grandmother she is. I joke with her that she missed her calling in life. She should have run a daycare. No matter what, she is always willing to do whatever is needed for her grandchildren. I know if we lived far away, we'd make it work, but having her in the same town is an incredible blessing. I can not count the times I have called for advice or to watch the kids. She is always there no matter the time or the situation. Whether to vent my frustration, brag about my kids, or to come to my rescue when Marc is gone for work, I can always count on her.
After having Kade, I fully realize how much work Marleigh really was compared to most babies. It was not her fault at all, but she was a tough baby. It took at least 45 minutes to get her to sleep, if not even longer than that. When you finally got her to sleep, she only slept 30-45 minutes. Her hearing was so sensitive, the smallest noise woke her up. Never once did Mom shy away from keeping her. Instead she would ask to watch her to give me a break.
My Mom is hands down the most selfless person I know when it comes to her kids and grandkids. (I know most moms and grandmas are, but really, she takes the cake!) If you mention something in passing to her, she will either give it to you, buy it for you, or do it for you. She would gladly sacrifice anything and everything for us.
My Mom doesn't have internet, so she will never read this. I tell her all the time, but I hope she knows how very much she is appreciated and loved. We love you, so much, Gigi!!!
I don't know how she did it when my sister and I were little. My Dad worked very hard to provide for us and was sometimes gone for weeks at a time hauling silage. Even when he was home, he worked many long hours. I love how hard working my Dad was, but it put a load on my Mom to care for 2 small kids all by herself. I go nuts after just a few days when Marc is away for work.
Since graduating college and moving back to Larned, my Mom and I's relationship has grown so much. I can remember when I was young, my Mom would always tell me, "My job isn't to be your best friend, it is to be your mother." Back then that was so very true. (As a parent now, I foresee myself stealing that line from my Mom.) But once her job was done, once I was an adult and out on my own, she became one of my best friends. For that, I am so very lucky.
Of course I knew that she was an amazing mother.... she has had that role since the day I was born. But until I saw it in action, I could have never dreamed what a caring, patient, loving, playful grandmother she is. I joke with her that she missed her calling in life. She should have run a daycare. No matter what, she is always willing to do whatever is needed for her grandchildren. I know if we lived far away, we'd make it work, but having her in the same town is an incredible blessing. I can not count the times I have called for advice or to watch the kids. She is always there no matter the time or the situation. Whether to vent my frustration, brag about my kids, or to come to my rescue when Marc is gone for work, I can always count on her.
After having Kade, I fully realize how much work Marleigh really was compared to most babies. It was not her fault at all, but she was a tough baby. It took at least 45 minutes to get her to sleep, if not even longer than that. When you finally got her to sleep, she only slept 30-45 minutes. Her hearing was so sensitive, the smallest noise woke her up. Never once did Mom shy away from keeping her. Instead she would ask to watch her to give me a break.
My Mom is hands down the most selfless person I know when it comes to her kids and grandkids. (I know most moms and grandmas are, but really, she takes the cake!) If you mention something in passing to her, she will either give it to you, buy it for you, or do it for you. She would gladly sacrifice anything and everything for us.
My Mom doesn't have internet, so she will never read this. I tell her all the time, but I hope she knows how very much she is appreciated and loved. We love you, so much, Gigi!!!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Marleigh is 3!
Some days when I look you at you, all I can say is, "Wow!" Three years ago you were fighting for your life. I was praying for you just to survive. I was praying that you had minimal long term effects of being born 14 weeks early. I never could have hoped for you to be so perfect. You are living proof of God's goodness.
Marleigh, you say some of the funniest things. You continue to be advanced in the verbal area. Almost daily, I am impressed by your expansive vocabulary. Not only do you know many words, but you use them all correctly. You do very well using the correct pronouns and forms of verbs.
You are still very smart, as well. I can't even list all of your accomplishments. You are counting objects very well, and even doing some basic forms of addition and subtraction with them. Lately, we have been working on spelling your name and you almost have it. My current favorite is hearing you count backwards from ten to one. You get so excited the closer you get to one. After one, you say, "BLAST OFF!"
Your physical development has lagged a little in the past. Partly because I was too overprotective of you. You have blossomed in the last few months You are now jumping off of two feet, have mastered climbing up and down stairs, and go up the ladder and down your slipper slide all by yourself! It is obvious you have more self confidence. You are not near as intimidated or shy around new people.
I still cherish your gentle heart. You have an inherent compassion towards people. When your brother is fussing, you are quick to rush to him and say, "Its okay, Kade." If someone is upset, it upsets you and you try your hardest to cheer them up.
A few weeks ago, your Daddy had a rough day, and was a little down. You said, "Daddy, are you sad?" He responded that he was a little bit. You then said, "I can make you smile, I'll dance!" You danced around the living room, and sure enough, it brought a smile to your Daddy's face.
When your little brother was born, it rocked your world. Safe to say that you didn't instantly love being a big sister. You now love your role as big sissy and help me take care of him. Daddy was rough housing with Kade the other day, and you thought it was upsetting Kade. You instantly got upset and asked Daddy to stop because, "Kade doesn't like it, Daddy!!!" I enjoy so much watching you interact with your little brother. It is obvious how much you love him.
Marleigh, you are more than we could have ever dreamed of. I am excited to watch the next year of your life unfold. Love you so very much!
Mommy
Friday, January 20, 2012
3 year check up and 6 month check up.
Yesterday, I took the kids for their checkups. Talk about a three ring circus! The exam rooms at the clinic in Larned are barely big enough for a patient and doctor, let alone two patients, a car seat, a mommy, and a doctor! Both the kids were so well behaved and waited patiently while the other was getting checked out.
Marleigh weighed in at 29lbs 10oz. She is 36.5 inches tall. Both of those are right around the 50th percentile. Pretty impressive considering she was only 2 lbs at birth. On the physical side/coordination, she is about where most 3 year olds are. On the mental/verbal, she is above a 4 year old level. He was impressed with how well she articulates words and her use of complex sentences. (Man... its feels like I brag on my kids, ALOT!) He asked her to jump up on the table for her exam, and with a serious face, Marleigh said to him, "No, thank you. I'm good right here." We both laughed at her. The only negative (if you can call it that) is that she still is not potty trained. We are getting there.... slowly!
Kade was all smiles. He weighed 23lbs 15oz (I think... I forgot his paper with the info) and 29 inches tall. Both of these are off the charts. Dr. Williams mentioned that Kade's eye had coordination seemed above average (seriously... do you get tired of me bragging about my munchkins?!?) , and that his appetite was obviously above average! Kade took his shots like a champ. Just a little fussing and that was it.
The highlight of the visit was in between the nurse leaving and the doctor coming in. Both kids were stripped down to their diapers, and Marleigh decided she wanted to entertain her brother. She did an amazing rendition of "Jesus Loves Me" complete with dance moves and everything. Kade and I both got a good chuckle out of it!
I am not sure how I got so blessed to have two amazing, healthy, happy, beautiful kids, but I am incredibly thankful for them!
Marleigh weighed in at 29lbs 10oz. She is 36.5 inches tall. Both of those are right around the 50th percentile. Pretty impressive considering she was only 2 lbs at birth. On the physical side/coordination, she is about where most 3 year olds are. On the mental/verbal, she is above a 4 year old level. He was impressed with how well she articulates words and her use of complex sentences. (Man... its feels like I brag on my kids, ALOT!) He asked her to jump up on the table for her exam, and with a serious face, Marleigh said to him, "No, thank you. I'm good right here." We both laughed at her. The only negative (if you can call it that) is that she still is not potty trained. We are getting there.... slowly!
Kade was all smiles. He weighed 23lbs 15oz (I think... I forgot his paper with the info) and 29 inches tall. Both of these are off the charts. Dr. Williams mentioned that Kade's eye had coordination seemed above average (seriously... do you get tired of me bragging about my munchkins?!?) , and that his appetite was obviously above average! Kade took his shots like a champ. Just a little fussing and that was it.
The highlight of the visit was in between the nurse leaving and the doctor coming in. Both kids were stripped down to their diapers, and Marleigh decided she wanted to entertain her brother. She did an amazing rendition of "Jesus Loves Me" complete with dance moves and everything. Kade and I both got a good chuckle out of it!
I am not sure how I got so blessed to have two amazing, healthy, happy, beautiful kids, but I am incredibly thankful for them!
Monday, January 16, 2012
Kade at 6 months
 |
| I love this picture of you and your Daddy! |
Kade-
You were 6 months old yesterday! You are growing up way too fast! You are changing almost daily it seems. Accomplishing something new all the time.
You have almost mastered sitting up on your own. Every now and again, you fall when you're sitting up, but you just smile and laugh. Sometimes, I think you fall over on purpose, just to laugh at yourself.
Kade, you are ALL boy. You like Daddy to play rough with you. You bang and smack anything you can get your hands on and grin the whole time. I was amazed at the way you tore into presents at Christmas. Marleigh is still a little timid opening gifts, but not you! :) If something is in your way on the floor when you are rolling around, you keep banging into it until it moves, you roll over it, or someone comes to move it for you. You already love to push around the John Deere tractors on the floor.
I'm sure you will be crawling in no time. You scoot around on your tummy. Every day you are getting stronger, and pushing yourself up a little more. You have figured out how to turn in circles, and do it very well. Just the other day, you maneuvered clear across the living room to Marleigh, and wanted to play with her and her colors. She yelled to me, "MOM!!! Kade is touching me!"
Speaking of your sister, you absolutely ADORE her. You save your biggest smiles, and belly laughs for her. You enjoy just laying on the floor and watching her play. She loves you very much, too. Lately, she has been sharing her coveted Mickey Mouse stuffed animal with you, so you know she HAS to really love you! She is always wanting to help take care of you.
You are still a great eater! We introduced solids a couple of months back, and you instantly loved them. With every bite of food we hear, "Mmmmm, nnnuuummm." You enjoy your food! You are somewhere around 24lbs, but we will find out for sure at your 6 month checkup on Thursday.
Anyone that looks at you, can tell what a great eater you are. You barely still fit into 12 month clothes, but are wearing some 18 month clothes, as well. You are still adorable and chubby, but are slimming down a little, now that you are starting to move more.
Right now, your favorite toys are your crinkle star, a mulit-colored chew toy, and your feet! You grab onto your feet and roll from side to side, smiling from ear to ear.
Kade, you are very much like your big sister, in that you both are very content and happy. However, you smile and laugh all the time. I have never met a happier baby than you. Your laugh is infectious. There is a general happiness that just exudes from you.
My sweet little boy, know that you are loved so very much. We couldn't have asked for anything more in a son. We love you more than you will ever know!
Mommy
Friday, January 13, 2012
Eating My Own Words....
I can admit when I am wrong (which is quite often). I was wrong***. Marleigh didn't need scoped. Since we started treating Marleigh for reflux and not letting her drink juice, the change in her has been amazing. She is eating like crazy. We haven't done the barium swallow, but I think we will hold off, because it is clear that we have found the problem. I am so relieved! She has gained 2 pounds in the last 3 weeks. That is incredible!
I kick myself for not thinking of reflux. I hate that she had to struggle with it for so long, but at least we're correcting it now!
***But in my defense, something WAS wrong with her. Even though she "looked" okay and not malnourished! ;)
~~~~~
Have I ever mentioned that I can admit when I am wrong?
About a week ago, Kade began not sleeping. I'm talking 30-45 minute max. It seemed as soon as we picked him up, he was okay. I assumed it was his teeth at first. I gave him Tylenol for the pain, and did every trick in the book (except the whole rubbing rum on his gums.... someone actually told me that people still do that?!?), but he still wouldn't sleep. After 4 days of it, both Kade and mama were exhausted!
Monday night after the kids went to bed, I came back into the office for a bit to work. Marc called to say Kade was crying nonstop. Hmmmm.... all this behavior sounded awfully similar to when he had an ear infection. I went home and we gave him the ear drop pain meds and finally got him to sleep by laying him in his car seat (this is what the doctor told us to do when he had an ear infection). He slept relatively well for the rest of the night. I was convinced it was another ear infection. Marc had mentioned that he thought it could be his asthma.
Thinking it was an ear infection, I took him to the doctor the next day. His ears were clear.
After doing some thinking, I realized Marc was right. At Kade's last doctor appointment, the doctor wanted us to try to wean Kade off of his asthma meds to see if he really needed them or not. He originally was getting a steroid & albuterol both twice a day. I weaned him down just getting them at night before he went to bed and he was doing great. Well, around the time he started not sleeping, I quit giving him his albuterol. He must have been having a hard time breathing laying flat on his back. That is why when we picked him up and the night we let him sleep in his carseat, he did better. He never had the horrible coughing fits like before, so it had never crossed my mind that it could be his asthma. The doctor had said that when we trying to get him off his meds, if he started having horrible coughing fits, to just put him back on them. We put Kade back on the albuterol, and he has slept 12 hours straight the past 3 nights. So, once again, I was wrong. Daddy was right. I'm so glad Marc figured it out so that we could all get some sleep again!
I kick myself for not thinking of reflux. I hate that she had to struggle with it for so long, but at least we're correcting it now!
***But in my defense, something WAS wrong with her. Even though she "looked" okay and not malnourished! ;)
~~~~~
Have I ever mentioned that I can admit when I am wrong?
About a week ago, Kade began not sleeping. I'm talking 30-45 minute max. It seemed as soon as we picked him up, he was okay. I assumed it was his teeth at first. I gave him Tylenol for the pain, and did every trick in the book (except the whole rubbing rum on his gums.... someone actually told me that people still do that?!?), but he still wouldn't sleep. After 4 days of it, both Kade and mama were exhausted!
Monday night after the kids went to bed, I came back into the office for a bit to work. Marc called to say Kade was crying nonstop. Hmmmm.... all this behavior sounded awfully similar to when he had an ear infection. I went home and we gave him the ear drop pain meds and finally got him to sleep by laying him in his car seat (this is what the doctor told us to do when he had an ear infection). He slept relatively well for the rest of the night. I was convinced it was another ear infection. Marc had mentioned that he thought it could be his asthma.
Thinking it was an ear infection, I took him to the doctor the next day. His ears were clear.
After doing some thinking, I realized Marc was right. At Kade's last doctor appointment, the doctor wanted us to try to wean Kade off of his asthma meds to see if he really needed them or not. He originally was getting a steroid & albuterol both twice a day. I weaned him down just getting them at night before he went to bed and he was doing great. Well, around the time he started not sleeping, I quit giving him his albuterol. He must have been having a hard time breathing laying flat on his back. That is why when we picked him up and the night we let him sleep in his carseat, he did better. He never had the horrible coughing fits like before, so it had never crossed my mind that it could be his asthma. The doctor had said that when we trying to get him off his meds, if he started having horrible coughing fits, to just put him back on them. We put Kade back on the albuterol, and he has slept 12 hours straight the past 3 nights. So, once again, I was wrong. Daddy was right. I'm so glad Marc figured it out so that we could all get some sleep again!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Christmas
The Christmas season created some of the most glorious memories. Listening to Marleigh and Kade laugh at each other. Marleigh helping Kade open his presents. The giddiness that filled Marleigh when she was about to open her gifts. Watching Marleigh play with her little brother and share her toys. Hearing that sweet, little girl say, “Kade is my best friend!” Being together to share the best gift of all, Jesus Christ, with my family. I am so in love with my sweet babies. I praise God for them.
Our new personalized stockings hung on the fireplace mantle. I searched until I found just the right ones, and I love them. But there should be one more. The holidays reminded me of the part of our family that is no longer here with us on Earth. My heart has been heavy the past couple of weeks. As I see Marleigh and Kade interact, I can’t help but feel someone is missing. How would Natalie interact with her brother and sister? What would her laugh sound like?
People have told me that you can’t dwell on the “what if’s”. I understand that. But Natalie wasn’t a “what if”. Natalie was. She was small. She was beautiful. She was innocent. She was strong. She was a fighter. And she still is our daughter.
No matter what the occasion, a holiday, birthday, or family memory, I will ALWAYS miss Natalie. I will ALWAYS ache for the day when we are a complete family again. That is what gets me through. The promise that one day, we will all be together.
Our new personalized stockings hung on the fireplace mantle. I searched until I found just the right ones, and I love them. But there should be one more. The holidays reminded me of the part of our family that is no longer here with us on Earth. My heart has been heavy the past couple of weeks. As I see Marleigh and Kade interact, I can’t help but feel someone is missing. How would Natalie interact with her brother and sister? What would her laugh sound like?
People have told me that you can’t dwell on the “what if’s”. I understand that. But Natalie wasn’t a “what if”. Natalie was. She was small. She was beautiful. She was innocent. She was strong. She was a fighter. And she still is our daughter.
No matter what the occasion, a holiday, birthday, or family memory, I will ALWAYS miss Natalie. I will ALWAYS ache for the day when we are a complete family again. That is what gets me through. The promise that one day, we will all be together.
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