Monday, February 11, 2013

Inadequate

With everything that has been going on lately, I have just been feeling.... hmmmm... well... inadequate.  Inadequate is the word that just keeps coming to mind.  Inadequate in pretty much every facet of my life.

As a parent, I always want to protect and take care of my children. Just the minor day to day aspects of life, like saying prayers and tucking them in at night. It is my privilege and responsibility.   And when they get sick, that need to comfort and care for them kicks into overdrive.  But then I got sick.  I mean really sick.  As in, I couldn't take care of myself, let alone Marleigh and Kade.  In creeps the feeling of inadequacy.  My job as their mother is to take care of them, but I couldn't.  Fail #1.

I am also a wife.  While we don't live in the dark ages where I do all the housework, I tend to do most of the laundry and cleaning.  Let's just say that between work, kids, and being sick,  those things have been a bit neglected.  The other day, Marc had to dig through the dirty clothes to find a pair of jeans to wear because I hadn't gotten around to do the laundry. Your husband having to wear dirty clothes makes you feel incredibly inadequate.  Fail #2.

With work being busy, kids, husband, being sick twice in three weeks, I haven't really been able to catch up with friends.   I recently tried to reach out to a friend I hadn't really spoken to in a few months, only to find out she is going through a major life event.  It has been going on for well over a month.  Wow,  I have been so consumed with what is going on in my life, that I have totally neglected friendships, leading me to feel like the most inadequate friend.  EVER.  Fail #3.

Then there is work.  While my number one priority will always be my family, I want to work hard, pull my own weight, and not let my boss down.  He is actually a great guy that is very understanding and supportive. However, I have missed quite a bit of work in the last few weeks, which makes me feel guilty and inadequate at work, as well.  Fail #4.

My spiritual life has been a little lackluster, too.  We missed church for several weeks in a row, due to being sick, having out of town guests, being sick again.  That in itself is no excuse.  I could have made more time, special time to spend with God, but I didn't.  Everything was so hectic and crazy, but instead of seeing that as a need to make my relationship with God my priority, I let it slide as well.  Which makes me feel like an inadequate Christian.  Fail #5.

So I am now trying a little harder in all aspects of my life.  I am just so blessed that there will always be one thing that is adequate.  It is much more than adequate, it is abundant.  And that is God's mercy and love for me.  Even when I fail in so many ways, and have numerous inadequacies, His love remains.



1 comment:

  1. You are more than adequate! You are HUMAN. And a working mom. Guilt is a rite of passage. I LOVE YOU!

    Sissy

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