I love how there are times when God just knows when we need a laugh. A moment to just lighten things up.
Anyone that really knows our Johnson family knows that we are all HUGE fans of the movie Christmas Vacation. Like watch it every Christmas, quote random parts of the movie all the time. A favorite of mine is:
Clark: Since it is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of grace.
Aunt Bethany: What dear?
Nora: Grace!
Aunt Bethany: Grace? She passed away 30 years ago.
Uncle Lewis: They want you to say grace
(Aunt Bethany shakes her head in confusion.)
Uncle Lewis: The BLESSING!!!
(Everyone bows their heads.)
Aunt Bethany: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Everyone in unison: Amen.
~~
Marleigh always says our prayers before we eat. She loves to do it. We all hold hands and she prays (while Kade just cheeses the whole time because he is holding his Sissy's hand). She really does a great job. Usually, she thanks God for everything she has, for our food, etc.
On the night of Natalie's heaven anniversary, Marc and I understandably had heavy hearts. We had been out to see Natalie's grave before dinner, so it was just a very sober evening. We got dinner around and sat down to eat. Marc asked Marleigh to go ahead and say the blessing. Marleigh out of the blue pipes up, "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." Marc and I exchanged looks as soon as she started, and we both barely held it together for the entire heart felt prayer.
That was the only time Marleigh has ever not said a traditional prayer. She has been saying the blessing before meals for many months. I love how God knew just what we needed and that He chose to use our sweet girl to do it. Unexpected blessings are always the best!
Monday, February 25, 2013
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
4 Years
4 years. Wow. That seems like such a long time, but then again, it seems like only yesterday that we still had our sweet Natalie here on Earth with us.
4 years. A lot happens in the span of 4 years. 4 years can bring about so much change in the life of an adult, let alone a child. Thinking about the first 4 years of life for a baby, and how much they learn and change, I can't help but wonder what Natalie would be doing now, what she would look like, and what kind of personality she would have.
4 years. There is a lot of healing and comforting that can take place in 4 years. Whenever you feel such sudden devastation, the initial shock sets a roller coaster of emotions into motion. While I would love to say that I reacted with pure grace and as a faithful child of God, that just wasn't the case. There was a lot of anger, resentment, and jealousy. But, time has helped me to work through some of those ugly feelings.
4 years. 4 years of waking up each morning with a part of myself missing. Longing everyday to be able to hold my precious girl. While time has helped me move past the anger, it will never fill the void in my heart. That is one thing that has not changed in 4 years, and I know never will.
4 years. 4 years spent praying, seeking God's comfort. It truly is miraculous, to feel a sense of peace and calm after losing a child. Going through life's darkest valley makes you cling to God when you don't feel you have the strength to make it. It facilitates such a deep, raw, intimate relationship with God.
4 years. 4 years of surviving, and realizing that I will be okay. The morning after we lost Natalie, I so clearly remember thinking, "How am I going to get up and walk right back into the very same NICU, and sit right next to the spot that I held my daughter when she became an angel?" But, sometimes, there are miracles and blessings that make you stop focusing on the hurt and anger. Sometimes, there are things that push us out of the depths of despair. That first day, it was knowing that Marleigh needed me. She was my saving grace. And now, there are 2 little miracles that God has given me. There are times when the ache deep in my heart still seems to engulf me. When it seems so easy to wallow in self pity and sadness, but I usually don't linger too long in the darkness. I have comfort from our redeemer, and joy in the form of 2 very special children.
4 years. A lot happens in the span of 4 years. 4 years can bring about so much change in the life of an adult, let alone a child. Thinking about the first 4 years of life for a baby, and how much they learn and change, I can't help but wonder what Natalie would be doing now, what she would look like, and what kind of personality she would have.
4 years. There is a lot of healing and comforting that can take place in 4 years. Whenever you feel such sudden devastation, the initial shock sets a roller coaster of emotions into motion. While I would love to say that I reacted with pure grace and as a faithful child of God, that just wasn't the case. There was a lot of anger, resentment, and jealousy. But, time has helped me to work through some of those ugly feelings.
4 years. 4 years of waking up each morning with a part of myself missing. Longing everyday to be able to hold my precious girl. While time has helped me move past the anger, it will never fill the void in my heart. That is one thing that has not changed in 4 years, and I know never will.
4 years. 4 years spent praying, seeking God's comfort. It truly is miraculous, to feel a sense of peace and calm after losing a child. Going through life's darkest valley makes you cling to God when you don't feel you have the strength to make it. It facilitates such a deep, raw, intimate relationship with God.
4 years. 4 years of surviving, and realizing that I will be okay. The morning after we lost Natalie, I so clearly remember thinking, "How am I going to get up and walk right back into the very same NICU, and sit right next to the spot that I held my daughter when she became an angel?" But, sometimes, there are miracles and blessings that make you stop focusing on the hurt and anger. Sometimes, there are things that push us out of the depths of despair. That first day, it was knowing that Marleigh needed me. She was my saving grace. And now, there are 2 little miracles that God has given me. There are times when the ache deep in my heart still seems to engulf me. When it seems so easy to wallow in self pity and sadness, but I usually don't linger too long in the darkness. I have comfort from our redeemer, and joy in the form of 2 very special children.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Crazy Kids!
The other night, we were eating dinner. Marleigh had ate all her bread first. Her veggies remained pretty much untouched. Here's the conversation Marc had with her.
Marc: Marleigh, do you want more bread?
Marleigh: Oh!!!! YES, PLEASE!!!
Marc: Okay then, you must eat your veggies first, then you may have some more.
Marleigh: Hey.... why do you always have to trick me like that?!?
~~
On the way home yesterday, Marleigh and Kade were talking in the back seat (Marleigh does most of the talking, and Kade just beams because his big sister is paying attention to him).
Marleigh: Oh, Bubba. You're just so cute. I love you.
Kade: *Giggle, giggle, squeaaaaaal with excitement.*
Me: Marleigh, that was a nice thing to say.
Marleigh: Well, he is cute. But he is getting big. I think we need another baby brother.
Me: Woah. Mommy isn't going to be having any more babies. One baby brother is perfect.
Marleigh: But Mo-om..... Kade isn't a BABY anymore. I want a BABY brother. And you don't have to have another baby, I've got an idea! Maybe one of the neighbors have one that we can take.
(Go figure. When Kade was a baby, she wanted nothing to do with him. Now she wants another baby. And apparently, we're just going to be creepers and cruise the streets of our neighborhood until we find a house with a baby, then stop and take it home.)
~~
And I can't leave out our silly boy. Spraying him in the face with water is just HILARIOUS!!! ;)
Marc: Marleigh, do you want more bread?
Marleigh: Oh!!!! YES, PLEASE!!!
Marc: Okay then, you must eat your veggies first, then you may have some more.
Marleigh: Hey.... why do you always have to trick me like that?!?
~~
On the way home yesterday, Marleigh and Kade were talking in the back seat (Marleigh does most of the talking, and Kade just beams because his big sister is paying attention to him).
Marleigh: Oh, Bubba. You're just so cute. I love you.
Kade: *Giggle, giggle, squeaaaaaal with excitement.*
Me: Marleigh, that was a nice thing to say.
Marleigh: Well, he is cute. But he is getting big. I think we need another baby brother.
Me: Woah. Mommy isn't going to be having any more babies. One baby brother is perfect.
Marleigh: But Mo-om..... Kade isn't a BABY anymore. I want a BABY brother. And you don't have to have another baby, I've got an idea! Maybe one of the neighbors have one that we can take.
(Go figure. When Kade was a baby, she wanted nothing to do with him. Now she wants another baby. And apparently, we're just going to be creepers and cruise the streets of our neighborhood until we find a house with a baby, then stop and take it home.)
~~
And I can't leave out our silly boy. Spraying him in the face with water is just HILARIOUS!!! ;)
Monday, February 11, 2013
Inadequate
With everything that has been going on lately, I have just been feeling.... hmmmm... well... inadequate. Inadequate is the word that just keeps coming to mind. Inadequate in pretty much every facet of my life.
As a parent, I always want to protect and take care of my children. Just the minor day to day aspects of life, like saying prayers and tucking them in at night. It is my privilege and responsibility. And when they get sick, that need to comfort and care for them kicks into overdrive. But then I got sick. I mean really sick. As in, I couldn't take care of myself, let alone Marleigh and Kade. In creeps the feeling of inadequacy. My job as their mother is to take care of them, but I couldn't. Fail #1.
I am also a wife. While we don't live in the dark ages where I do all the housework, I tend to do most of the laundry and cleaning. Let's just say that between work, kids, and being sick, those things have been a bit neglected. The other day, Marc had to dig through the dirty clothes to find a pair of jeans to wear because I hadn't gotten around to do the laundry. Your husband having to wear dirty clothes makes you feel incredibly inadequate. Fail #2.
With work being busy, kids, husband, being sick twice in three weeks, I haven't really been able to catch up with friends. I recently tried to reach out to a friend I hadn't really spoken to in a few months, only to find out she is going through a major life event. It has been going on for well over a month. Wow, I have been so consumed with what is going on in my life, that I have totally neglected friendships, leading me to feel like the most inadequate friend. EVER. Fail #3.
Then there is work. While my number one priority will always be my family, I want to work hard, pull my own weight, and not let my boss down. He is actually a great guy that is very understanding and supportive. However, I have missed quite a bit of work in the last few weeks, which makes me feel guilty and inadequate at work, as well. Fail #4.
My spiritual life has been a little lackluster, too. We missed church for several weeks in a row, due to being sick, having out of town guests, being sick again. That in itself is no excuse. I could have made more time, special time to spend with God, but I didn't. Everything was so hectic and crazy, but instead of seeing that as a need to make my relationship with God my priority, I let it slide as well. Which makes me feel like an inadequate Christian. Fail #5.
So I am now trying a little harder in all aspects of my life. I am just so blessed that there will always be one thing that is adequate. It is much more than adequate, it is abundant. And that is God's mercy and love for me. Even when I fail in so many ways, and have numerous inadequacies, His love remains.
As a parent, I always want to protect and take care of my children. Just the minor day to day aspects of life, like saying prayers and tucking them in at night. It is my privilege and responsibility. And when they get sick, that need to comfort and care for them kicks into overdrive. But then I got sick. I mean really sick. As in, I couldn't take care of myself, let alone Marleigh and Kade. In creeps the feeling of inadequacy. My job as their mother is to take care of them, but I couldn't. Fail #1.
I am also a wife. While we don't live in the dark ages where I do all the housework, I tend to do most of the laundry and cleaning. Let's just say that between work, kids, and being sick, those things have been a bit neglected. The other day, Marc had to dig through the dirty clothes to find a pair of jeans to wear because I hadn't gotten around to do the laundry. Your husband having to wear dirty clothes makes you feel incredibly inadequate. Fail #2.
With work being busy, kids, husband, being sick twice in three weeks, I haven't really been able to catch up with friends. I recently tried to reach out to a friend I hadn't really spoken to in a few months, only to find out she is going through a major life event. It has been going on for well over a month. Wow, I have been so consumed with what is going on in my life, that I have totally neglected friendships, leading me to feel like the most inadequate friend. EVER. Fail #3.
Then there is work. While my number one priority will always be my family, I want to work hard, pull my own weight, and not let my boss down. He is actually a great guy that is very understanding and supportive. However, I have missed quite a bit of work in the last few weeks, which makes me feel guilty and inadequate at work, as well. Fail #4.
My spiritual life has been a little lackluster, too. We missed church for several weeks in a row, due to being sick, having out of town guests, being sick again. That in itself is no excuse. I could have made more time, special time to spend with God, but I didn't. Everything was so hectic and crazy, but instead of seeing that as a need to make my relationship with God my priority, I let it slide as well. Which makes me feel like an inadequate Christian. Fail #5.
So I am now trying a little harder in all aspects of my life. I am just so blessed that there will always be one thing that is adequate. It is much more than adequate, it is abundant. And that is God's mercy and love for me. Even when I fail in so many ways, and have numerous inadequacies, His love remains.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Things I've learned this week. (Round 2)
#1. Whatever stomach bug hit our house this past week was nasty! All four of us wound up with it to some degree. Aunt Myra, who had come to visit over the weekend, also got sick. She was kind enough to help clean up some of the "messes", and poor thing got sick, too. :(
#2. My son is a trooper. Kade was the first one to come down with it. He got sick twice and had diarrhea a few times. But other than that, you would have never known he was sick. Marc's parents were here over the weekend as well, and I think it was Grandpa that commented, "that isn't a sick baby." And I didn't think so either. He is such a happy little soul. Nothing seems to bother him. Very glad he didn't get really sick.
#3. This stomach flu is nothing to mess around with. Within 4 hours of first getting sick, I was headed to the ER. Dehydrated, disoriented, and just not well at all. Extremely grateful neither of the kids got that sick.
#4. (Something I already knew) It is so awesome to have family so close. When we decided I needed to go to the ER, I was in no condition to walk, let alone drive. Marc really wasn't feeling the best, plus someone needed to stay with the kids. I absolutely hated exposing them, but we really didn't have too many other options, so we called my parents. They came in and took me to the ER.
#5. Little Miss Marleigh is just as sweet even when she is a very sick girl. While I was at the ER, Marc called to say that Marleigh started vomiting. Mom went back to the house to help him. Within a short period of time, it was obvious she wasn't going to stop, so Mom brought her to the ER as a precaution, to try to stop it before she got dehydrated. They gave her some zofran, and thankfully, that was all it took. As we were finally all headed back to the house, my feeble girl looked up at Gigi and said, "Thank you for helping me, Gigi." Then the next day, Marleigh and I just stayed in Marc and I's bed all day. At least three different times she asked me, "Mama, are you feeling any better?" Such a sweet spirit in that girl. :)
#6. I am very glad that we still have a hospital in Larned. Here a few years ago, we were in jeopardy of losing our hospital. The community banded together, and thankfully, we still have a hospital. They took such great care of us. There were three nurses and a doctor that were working on me right away. Thanks to all the staff at Pawnee Valley Community Hospital!
#7. I could not ever, EVER be a nurse/nurses aid, etc. Holy bodily fluids!!! I honestly do not know how people do that day in, day out, for people that they don't even know. I mean, the people I was cleaning up after mean everything in the world to me, and it was flat out repulsive! Kudos to all of you out there! Thank you for what you do!
#8. We are now ready to be healthy for a while! Within 3 weeks, we had the respiratory flu, and then the stomach flu. So, now it is full speed ahead to a healthy spring and summer! :)
#2. My son is a trooper. Kade was the first one to come down with it. He got sick twice and had diarrhea a few times. But other than that, you would have never known he was sick. Marc's parents were here over the weekend as well, and I think it was Grandpa that commented, "that isn't a sick baby." And I didn't think so either. He is such a happy little soul. Nothing seems to bother him. Very glad he didn't get really sick.
#3. This stomach flu is nothing to mess around with. Within 4 hours of first getting sick, I was headed to the ER. Dehydrated, disoriented, and just not well at all. Extremely grateful neither of the kids got that sick.
#4. (Something I already knew) It is so awesome to have family so close. When we decided I needed to go to the ER, I was in no condition to walk, let alone drive. Marc really wasn't feeling the best, plus someone needed to stay with the kids. I absolutely hated exposing them, but we really didn't have too many other options, so we called my parents. They came in and took me to the ER.
#5. Little Miss Marleigh is just as sweet even when she is a very sick girl. While I was at the ER, Marc called to say that Marleigh started vomiting. Mom went back to the house to help him. Within a short period of time, it was obvious she wasn't going to stop, so Mom brought her to the ER as a precaution, to try to stop it before she got dehydrated. They gave her some zofran, and thankfully, that was all it took. As we were finally all headed back to the house, my feeble girl looked up at Gigi and said, "Thank you for helping me, Gigi." Then the next day, Marleigh and I just stayed in Marc and I's bed all day. At least three different times she asked me, "Mama, are you feeling any better?" Such a sweet spirit in that girl. :)
#6. I am very glad that we still have a hospital in Larned. Here a few years ago, we were in jeopardy of losing our hospital. The community banded together, and thankfully, we still have a hospital. They took such great care of us. There were three nurses and a doctor that were working on me right away. Thanks to all the staff at Pawnee Valley Community Hospital!
#7. I could not ever, EVER be a nurse/nurses aid, etc. Holy bodily fluids!!! I honestly do not know how people do that day in, day out, for people that they don't even know. I mean, the people I was cleaning up after mean everything in the world to me, and it was flat out repulsive! Kudos to all of you out there! Thank you for what you do!
#8. We are now ready to be healthy for a while! Within 3 weeks, we had the respiratory flu, and then the stomach flu. So, now it is full speed ahead to a healthy spring and summer! :)
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