Saying that having Kade has been rough on Marleigh would be a bit of an understatement. I'm sure all first born have some difficulties, but man, this is tough on our little girl.
I think what has made this so hard on her is that since I had a C-Section, I couldn't pick her up. Normally, I picked her up all the time just to love on her. I don't think she understood why I could pick Kade up and not her. I kept trying to reinforce how much I love her and how much I would like to pick her up and carry her around, but I don't think she quite understood.
Normally, Marleigh does whatever I ask her the first time. She is so sweet and polite. The last couple of weeks, it seems like whatever I tell her, she does the opposite. It's like she is craving my attention. Any one else she is fine with, but its like she is mad at her Mama.
She has also been fussing whenever I am around, which is very out of character. I can be gone, and she will be a perfect angel. As soon, as she sees me, the whining begins.
All of this has been hard on me. I feel so guilty that I can't give her the attention that she so desperately wants right now. I try to play with her as much as I can and include her in caring for Kade, but it still makes me feel horrible for her. It seems like she always asks me to do something when I am feeding Kade and I have to tell her, "As soon as I'm done feeding Kade, I will."
Things are slowly getting better. I think it helps that I have been picking her up (which I shouldn't be doing, but moms are notorious for that, right?!? Doing whatever we have to for our kiddos!). She is now starting to interact with Kade more. For the first few days, she basically ignored him. She is minding better and fussing less. I'm hoping that we're on the downhill slide. To be honest, I don't think I could take much more of her being so unhappy. I know that years down the road, she won't remember life before Kade. She won't remember feeling neglected. But still, it pulls on my heart strings. Please pray that Marleigh will continue to become more accepting and adjust to having a little brother.
Someone should post a warning: Going from 1 kid to 2 kids is HARD!!! Madison had a terrible time adjusting to having Laney home. (She really wanted to take her back to the hospital!!) Getting used to having to share mom/dad/attention/everything is so hard and there's nothing you can truly do to prepare them! You guys are great parents...Marleigh will adjust!
ReplyDeleteBy the way....adding #3 was waaaay easier (in case you're interested!)
I read an awesome book once that said to imagine your spouse had brought home another wife and told you he still loved you just as much as ever, you could never be replaced in his life and you were still just as important as you ever were, but that he had enough room in his life and heart for another wife too. Can you imagine how heartbroken, angry and jealous a person would be? Essentially, that's what our first-borns are feeling as we add to the family! LOL It WILL get better though! I promise!!
ReplyDeleteAwww the mama guilt. . . I felt SO guilty for rocking R's world, even though she adored K. . . and now I feel guilty that K didn't get the one-on-one time that R did. . . Grrr! It never ends. Just remember that you've given both of them the best gift EVER--a best friend for life. There is SO much fun around the corner for those two!!! Love you!!!
ReplyDeleteMichaela