We have a crawler!

Marleigh has finally started to army crawl! The first time she was really crawling, we kind of "caught" her. She thought no one was around. We said, "good girl!" She looked up like, "crap! Now they know I can do it." She still likes to log roll all over. It is much more efficient for the time being, but she is starting to crawl more and more. I can't believe what a big girl she is getting to be.

Marleigh's other new favorite is patty cake. She'll clap her hands, then look at us. If we don't start in with patty cake, she claps again, a little harder and louder. It is pretty funny!

Saturday, we went to Hutch to babysit cousin Luke so that Aunt Shannon and Uncle Kyle could have a much needed and deserved night out. Daddy was feeding Marleigh dinner and I was giving Luke a bath. I was just getting him dressed when I heard Marc screaming for me. We went downstairs to find Marleigh, Daddy, and the carpet covered in puke. Marleigh's got a sensitive gag reflex. She must have swallowed wrong or something. Poor Daddy, it was everywhere. Luke was so good. When I was getting him dressed, I had pulled his shirt over his head, but hadn't gotten his arms through when I heard Marc yelling. I snatched him up and just ran downstairs. I put him down and told him to play for a few minutes while I helped Uncle Marc. He's such a good kid. He played for about 5 minutes without his arms in his shirt while we cleaned up the mess. I had kind of forgotten that his shirt wasn't all the way on. I looked over at him playing, and just laughed. Marc had to make a mad dash to Dillons to rent a rug doctor. Oh, what an adventure! We had fun, though.... minus the "incident". It is so much fun to watch the kids play together, especially as Marleigh is getting older and interacts more.

Natalie

A very wise person told me to remember all the good memories of Natalie, not the one that was bad. So, that is what we're trying to do today, but it is hard.

I'll never forget the first time she opened her eyes. She just peeked out of one eye at first. It was adorable. I had told Marc that I saw her open her eyes, and he told me I was crazy. Natalie had to prove to Daddy that I wasn't, so she opened her eyes for him, just a little.

On Valentine's day, she breathed completely on her own for two and a half hours. That is completely unheard of for how old she was! We were so proud of her! We called her our little engine that could. She just kept chugging along.

The first time she sucked on her pacifier was pretty cute, too. It was almost as big as she was.

There were even some funny times with Natalie. She filled her pants while Daddy was holding her skin to skin. I was holding Marleigh at the time. The nurses and I laughed as he gagged while changing her. Within the next day or two, Natalie taught me that I shouldn't have laughed at Daddy. She pottied all over my hands.

~~~

Natalie Grace, you were a miracle. You amazed everyone that met you. We are so blessed by having you as our daughter and rejoice knowing that you are in the arms of our Lord in heaven. We love you always.

Daily struggles

Everyone has their cross to bear. All of us struggle with something daily. Lately, I have been really struggling with guilt. Since the one year anniversary of when I went into preterm labor, I have been battling guilt. While I know in my head that I did everything I could to keep my daughters safe & healthy, I know in my heart that it was my body that delivered them too early. It was my body that betrayed me & hurt the two people I love most in the world. My body failed my beautiful girls. If only my body would have cooperated, I would have both of my daughters. Because of me, Marleigh had to fight so hard to live. She had to go through so many tests & procedures. She had to fight nasty infections. Because of me, our sweet Natalie is now an angel. I can't describe how horrible that feels. How do I explain to Marleigh someday that it was Mommy's body that caused all this? I have prayed for peace, but can't seem to work through the guilt. Then, I begin to feel guilty for wallowing in my self pity. I look at my little miracle & feel guilty for feeling guilty & being sad. I have so many blessings to be thankful for. There are others that have dealt with so much more than I have. I know in time, with His help, I will find peace.

One year check up

Marleigh had her one year appointment last week. Dr. Williams is so impressed with her! Marleigh is now 19lbs & 28 inches. She is in the 20-25th percentile in all categories. She is quickly closing the gap between her adjusted age & actual age.

Sunday night, Marleigh was bouncing off the walls! Marc was throwing her in the air. She would squeal & laugh with excitement. We put her in her little baby einstein jumper. She went nuts for twenty minutes straight. She was jumping like crazy & laughing the whole time. It was a hoot!

Marleigh has FINALLY decided to say, "mama"! :) I'm pretty sure she has been able to say it for a long time, but is just too stubborn. (Wonder where she gets that?!?) A couple of times a few weeks ago when she was upset, she reached for me & said, "mama". But other than that? Nada. I'd try & try to get her to say it. I'd say, "mama mama mama." All I would get back was, "dada dada dada." Or I'd get a huge raspberry! I think "mama" might be the most beautiful word I've ever heard!