Today

Before I share what is weighing on me today, please don't misconstrue  my sentiments.  I am not condoning wallowing in despair for days on end.  I have not sunken into the depths of depression.  These are just the feelings of a woman who has lost her child.  A woman that deals daily with that immense loss.  The waves of sadness tend to come and go.  Today, is a pretty intense day.

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Today, over four and a half years after losing our sweet baby Natalie, my heart aches deeply.  It is just one of those days that despite my best efforts, the pain can not be masked.  It is still very much an open wound.  Today, the horrific pain is just as fresh as it was four and a half years ago.  So vivid and intense.  The feelings of anger and jealousy have healed with time and comfort from above.  But the hurt that runs deep is still there.  It will remain, as long as I am on this side of heaven, for one never truly gets over a loss of this magnitude.

There have been miracles and goodness that have stemmed from this tragic loss. Natalie's story has touched many.  We have experienced tremendous outpouring of love.  There is a permanent tribute to our daughter that brings so much joy to all the children who play at the splash pad.  I am grateful for these things.

But today, I am just a mother that is broken and hurting.  And so today, I embrace my pain.  Today, I fall to the floor surrendering it all.  Today, I am weak.  I acknowledge that I am nothing without my Lord and Savior.  Today, His grace is sufficient.

And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

2 Corinthians 12:9