2013 Family Pictures

Once again, we had the amazing Brooke Jantz take our family pictures.  Kade was in rare form the day of the pictures.  He did not want his picture taken.  Not one bit.  That is why there isn't very many of him.  But, Brooke did manage to get a few good ones of him, and many of Miss Marleigh!

Veggie Tales

We are huge Veggie Tales fans at the Johnson house.  When I saw they were coming to Dodge City, which is only an hour away, I was thrilled.  We had awesome seats on the first row of the bowl.  

This was before the show.  There was a movie screen that they were showing Veggie Tales on.  

 Kade could not take his eyes off the screen.  He was locked in!

Veggies!

This picture makes me melt.  

It was soooo cold in the arena.  Daddy ran out and got Sissy a blanket!  

I was pleasantly surprised by Kade.  I wasn't sure if he would sit still for the entire show.  But he did!  He was mesmerized!  

When the show first began, both kids' eyes lit up, and mine teared up.  I couldn't help it.  There is something so incredible about seeing your children overcome with happiness and excitement.  Simply put, there is no better feeling in the world.  

Before we went to the show, someone mentioned to me that the kids would never remember going to the show years down the road, so "what is the point"?  They quite possibly may not.  But for an hour and a half, I witnessed them both, together, having the time of their lives.  So what if they don't remember ten years down the road?  This mama will!  

Today

Before I share what is weighing on me today, please don't misconstrue  my sentiments.  I am not condoning wallowing in despair for days on end.  I have not sunken into the depths of depression.  These are just the feelings of a woman who has lost her child.  A woman that deals daily with that immense loss.  The waves of sadness tend to come and go.  Today, is a pretty intense day.

~~

Today, over four and a half years after losing our sweet baby Natalie, my heart aches deeply.  It is just one of those days that despite my best efforts, the pain can not be masked.  It is still very much an open wound.  Today, the horrific pain is just as fresh as it was four and a half years ago.  So vivid and intense.  The feelings of anger and jealousy have healed with time and comfort from above.  But the hurt that runs deep is still there.  It will remain, as long as I am on this side of heaven, for one never truly gets over a loss of this magnitude.

There have been miracles and goodness that have stemmed from this tragic loss. Natalie's story has touched many.  We have experienced tremendous outpouring of love.  There is a permanent tribute to our daughter that brings so much joy to all the children who play at the splash pad.  I am grateful for these things.

But today, I am just a mother that is broken and hurting.  And so today, I embrace my pain.  Today, I fall to the floor surrendering it all.  Today, I am weak.  I acknowledge that I am nothing without my Lord and Savior.  Today, His grace is sufficient.

And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

2 Corinthians 12:9

State Fair: 2013

Marc had to been in California the entire week the State Fair was going on, and then we were all headed to the KSU game over the weekend, so Papa and Gigi went to the fair with us on Friday.  It was an overcast day, and just about perfect.  

First stop is always the animals!  This sign was right outside the petting zoo.  

Somehow, riding a camel has become a fair tradition.  Kade was happy because he finally got to ride this year!

We were a little disappointed with John Deere this year.  No combines!  :(  The kids still had fun in the Gator!

Last year, I was shocked that Marleigh wanted to go down the big yellow slide.  As soon as she saw it this year, she had to go down it again.  And Kade thought he needed to go, too. I carried Kade all the way up the stairs to the top!  Talk about a workout!!!  Neither Papa, nor myself are really crazy about big slides or fair rides, but for the kids we did them anyway.  Both of them squealed the whole way down.  As soon as we stood up, Bubba was clapping and yelling, "Gen!!!  Gen!!!!"  

Kade loved the train ride.  He smiled and "Choo-choo-ed"  the entire ride.  

We were thrown some popcorn on our train ride, so we took a break to eat some.  

What trip to the fair would be complete without Cotton Candy?!?

First fair ride ever!  

Marleigh riding with Papa

This one was in heaven.  He got to be up high, didn't have to climb to get up there, and didn't get in trouble for being up somewhere he shouldn't be!  ;) 

Kade loved riding "Bumbo"!   

We somehow didn't get any pictures of Gigi.  :(  She and Papa took turns riding with Marleigh on the rides, and we never got a picture.  So sorry, Gigi!  

All in all, we had a wonderful day at the fair.  Thank you so much for going, Papa and Gigi.  There is no way I could have taken them both by myself.  The only thing that could have made it better was if Daddy would have been there, too.  

More Marleigh

I know it probably gets old, me always posting the things she says, but I just don't want to forget some of these things.  What better way to make sure I remember, than to put them on the blog?

~~

Marleigh:  Here.  Please watch my Barbie's while I go shopping.

Me:  Okay.  I'll keep an eye on them.

Marleigh:  You're Barbie-sitting!!!  (followed by uncontrollable giggles.)

~~

The other morning after preschool, Marleigh was admiring houses.

Marleigh:  Oh.... I'm going to live in that house when I grow up!!!

Me:  But I'll miss you!

Marleigh:  Well, I'm kinda like God.  I'll always be with you in your heart no matter what.

~~

Last night, I was cutting up a cucumber from my garden.  Kade was in the kitchen with me watching.  He started getting very upset and repeating "La-eee!!!  La-eee!!!"  I couldn't figure out why he was getting so upset.  Marleigh walked in and figured it out instantly, "It's okay, Bubba.  That isn't Larry the cucumber from Veggies."

~~

My flowers have been a little neglected lately.  This morning, there was a nice, gentle rain.

Marleigh:  Mom, I bet this refreshing shower will perk your beautiful flowers right up!

And that is verbatim!

~~

Marleigh normally eats in the mornings at preschool, but it was canceled this morning.  Last night she was asking me where she was going to eat breakfast, so I told her Rebecca's.  She thought for a moment then said to me, "Ya know, Mom, Rebecca feeds us all the time.  I think it would be nice if we took her donuts for breakfast tomorrow."  So we did.  :)

My Little Ballerina

Marleigh had her first dance class yesterday.  I mentioned to Rebecca, our daycare provider, that I would be a little early to pick up the kids, because Marleigh had dance class.   Rebecca's niece dances, and had some dance clothes she had outgrown.  They were kind enough to let Marleigh borrow them. Rebecca even put Marleigh's hair up in a perfect ballerina bun.   Marleigh could hardly contain her excitement. She was dancing around Rebecca's living room when I went to pick the kids up.  

I thought Marleigh might be a bit apprehensive when we arrived to the dance studio.  We went in and found her room.  I told her I had a few errands to run, but would be back.  She turned to me, gave me a kiss and said, "See you in a little bit, Mom!"  Sometimes she seems so much more grown up than 4 years old.  

Poor little brother thought he was going to dance, too.  Kade watched as Marleigh walked into the studio and started fussing and kept saying, "I dance, too!  I dance, too!"  He so much wants to do everything big sissy does.  

Kade and I ran a couple of errands and returned to pick Marleigh up.  She came out of the studio beaming.  As soon as Kade saw her, he went running to her, "My Sissy!!!"  

She chattered the whole way home.  "Mom, they measured my feet!  I am going to get real ballerina slippers!"  

"Mom, we played Duck, Duck, Goose. And they went 'duck, duck, duck', and when they said 'goose', you had to jump up and run.  My tutu swirled around when I had to get up and run!"  

And then, because she is such a caring little thing, stopped talking about dance and said, "I forgot to ask, Mom.  Did you have fun at Aaron's?"  

Took this ol' Mama a minute, but I figured it out.  "Honey, we ran some errands.  We didn't go to Aaron's."  I'm not even sure she knows an Aaron!  

That girl just makes me smile.    :)