More Thoughts on Prayer

A few days ago, Pastor Ryan asked, "Why do you pray?"  For some reason, I couldn't get this off of my mind last night.  I laid in bed for over 2 hours mulling this over in my head.  Not only, why but how.

When I was younger, my prayers were pretty much one sided conversations, and pretty much about one subject.  Mostly, "I, I, I...me, me, me...please give me...be with..... blah, blah, blah,"  then a quick, "thanks and forgive me"  at the end.   Prayer = talking to God.  I talked to God frequently.  If I had a good prayer life, I was good with God, right? 

I have had so much time to think, and pray the last 3 years.  One of my biggest revelations?  Prayer = communicating with God.  Communicating is a 2 way street.  Yes, there should be talking on my part, but there should also be plenty of time spent in prayer, listening.  Being still and hearing God as He speaks to me.  How in the world was I following God's purpose for my life if I spent all the time talking and not listening to Him?  Recently,  my most special moments with the Lord have been when I was quiet. Listening with my heart, and feeling His presence. By truly hearing God, I am able to talk to Him so much better. 

A lot of times, thanking God and asking for forgiveness used to be somewhat monotonous.  Go through the motions, say the words.  Kind of like a "talk to you later, bye" at then end of a phone conversation.  Once I started slowing down, I realized how important the condition of my heart was when I thanked Him and begged for His gracious forgiveness.  It is not just about saying the words.  Anyone can say the words.  It is the true spirit in which they are said. 

Revelation #2.  I had not been what I call, "Praying in Faith".  I was trying to plead with God to get my own agenda accomplished.  As I have said before, when I was in preterm labor, and when Natalie was sick, I tried bargaining with God.  If he would only grant me my request, I would do ANYTHING.  "Praying in Faith"  is 100% giving up your personal agenda.  Having enough faith in God to KNOW that His plan is much greater than my own personal wants.  To KNOW that even if it may cause me the worst pain imaginable, God loves me and has a specific purpose, which is greater than anything I can comprehend.  I look back and would do so many things different.  If I had a chance to do it over again, I think my prayer when Natalie was sick would go something like this:

Dear God,
I come to You heartbroken.  This sweet, little girl that You have so generously given to us is in a tremendous amount of pain.  Lord, You entrusted me to be her mother here on Earth, but she is Your child.  I now lay Natalie at Your feet, and pray that Your will be done.  Whether it be here on this Earth, or in her Eternal life in heaven, please take her pain.  Restore her body.  I trust in You, Lord.  I have faith in You.  Father, Your will be done.  Amen. 

Don't get me wrong, I don't have hours on end to sit in prayer.  I live in the real world.  Kids to take care of, house to clean, job, etc.  I have learned to take my quiet time with the Lord when I can get it.  Often, it is the 15 minute drive to pick up the kids after work.  I'll turn off the radio and communicate with God.  It is still far from perfect, but my prayer life is evolving.  Growing more and more, because of my children.  Like any parent,  I love my kids, but I am awestruck, at how God has used them to work wonders in my life and relationship with Him.  I am so very humbled, that He has blessed us with these 3 little people.  What an extraordinary gift they are.