Decisions, Decisions

With Marleigh turning four this past January, this spring has turned into a time for decisions.  Big decisions.  Hard decisions.  At least for me anyway.  I tend to be an overanalyzer / overthinker / overstresser / overtalker type of Mom.  I try to think and analyze every possibility.

I knew there would be a time to decide if we were going to put Marleigh into Preschool.  If we decided to do Preschool, then we would need to decide which one.  Marc and I agreed that Preschool would be a good thing for Marleigh next fall.  Since it would only be three hours, we felt that would be a great transition instead of just thrown into all day kindergarten the following year.  But which Preschool?

In our little town, I know of at least four Preschools, and I'm sure there are probably a few I don't know about. Choosing a Preschool that is a good fit for Marleigh is very important to me.  Marleigh tends to be timid and a bit introverted.  I wanted a small enough class that she wouldn't feel overwhelmed or intimidated, or just turn into a wall flower.  We narrowed our choice to two Preschools.  Both had some pros and cons.  I mulled over it for days, agonizing about make the right decision.  We finally decided on Stepping Stones.  The big drawback to Stepping Stones is that it does not bus.

Which then leads us to another big decision. It isn't feasible to pick Marleigh up at 11:00, and drive her clear out to Ashley's house.  So now we're stuck trying to make a decision about Daycare for next year.  Our kids have absolutely loved Ashley, and I think she truly loves them as well.  Logistically, I just don't think we can make it work next year.

Marleigh has been BEGGING to get into a dance class. I really didn't want to start adding evening activities for at least a few more years, because I know that once it starts, it won't stop.  And I really kind of like our evenings at home, all together, as a family.  But, Marleigh has been persistent.  She dances around, twirls, and says, "Look at me, Mom!  I'm a ballerina!"  She tends to not have a lot of self confidence, and is probably a little behind with her coordination. This leads us to yet another decision.  We have to decide if it is the right time to start dance.  It would mean driving to Great Bend, which is 20 miles away. After much discussion, the pros of starting dance far outweigh the cons.

But guess what, now we have to decide on WHERE to start dance.  We have some friends and their daughter goes to dance in Great Bend, so we have inquired there.  They don't have enrollment for a couple of months, but hopefully that will be where our little ballerina will get her start.  :)

I know that all of these decisions seem pretty trivial to most people.  Some may even think I am nuts for stressing about them.  Five years from now, I'm sure I'll look back and think how minor these decisions were.  Ten years from now, I will probably be wishing my toughest decisions were about which preschool to choose or where to take dance lessons.  Right now, though, these ARE the important decisions to me, because they are important to my children.  I fully realize that which Preschool we choose will probably not alter the course of Marleigh's life whatsoever.  But when these little people are your life, you want the very best for them.  So, I will continue to overstress/overanalyze all these tough decisions. I will continue to discuss the same issue with Marc 39,000 times until he finally loses patience with me and tells me to "just choose, already!"*   I have learned there really isn't any "right" decision, most of the time.  We can only make the "best" decision at the time given the facts and go with it.

*Marc is actually quite patient with my neurotic need to hash things out a million times.  He normally just says, "Honey,  you've really thought this through, I'm good with whatever decision you decide."  

It was bound to happen...

Just the other day, we were all in our kitchen/dining room.  We have a high top table, with bar height chairs.  Kade just walked right up to one, and climbed on up.  I looked over at Marc and said, "How long until we wind up in the ER with him?"  I love his ambition and curiousity, but as his Mama, it also scares me to death.  He is seriously afraid of nothing, and a total thrill seeker. He will bail off of anything at any time. Marc likes to call him a billy goat.  He won't stop climbing until he is at the very highest point he can get.

Just in case you needed a visual.  I bet this goat's name is Kade.  

He will jump/fall off of anything.  Often, he won't brace himself at all, and you can tell it hurts, but he gets up and laughs.

Tuesday, I was at work, and my cell phone rings.  It was Ashley. It had finally happened.  Kade went boom a little too hard.  Apparently, he was just running, but tripped and tried to take a bite out of her coffee table.  She said it bled quite a bit, and that he was still pretty upset.  She was concerned because it looked like one of his teeth had been pushed back.  I know that mouths tend to bleed quite a bit, but was worried when she said that a tooth was pushed back.  She sent me a picture, and I could see that yes, his left front tooth, was pushed back into his mouth just a little.

When I was little, a teeter totter took out my 2 front teeth, and I remember them saying that it is important for the baby teeth to be in alignment because it can affect the way your permanent teeth come in later.  What is a little ironic is that less than a week ago, Marc and I were discussing finding the kids a pediatric dentist.  I had heard great things from many people about one in Hutchinson, so I was planning on calling to get the kids checkups.  But I hadn't got that far yet.  I decided to go ahead and call their office to ask about Kade.  They told me to bring him in.

I got to Ashley's and I think Marleigh and Jadyn (Ashley's daughter that is 6 weeks younger than Marleigh)  were more upset than Kade at that point.  Both the girls were crying and so was Kade.

We headed for Hutch and thank goodness Kade fell asleep.  Ashley had given him some Motrin, so I think that helped.  Poor little guy.  He was still bleeding and it was running down his chin while he slept.  Made my heart just hurt for him.

The dentist's office got us in fairly quickly.  He had damaged his two front teeth, and then the tooth directly to the left.  The one of most concern was the left front tooth.  The dentist moved it just a little bit, back closer to it's original position.  Kade was NOT a fan.  He was crying and blubbering, "Mama, mama, mama."  Talk about the saddest sound ever!!!  The doctor said he also had quite a bit of soft tissue damage.  It appeared like those three teeth may have been shoved up into his gums a bit, so no hard foods for at least 10 days.

The doctor thought he would be fine, but we will have to go back in a few months to check for nerve damage.  It could have been so much worse.  Just a little bump in the road.

Kade and I made it home Tuesday night by around 5:30.  By 5:32 he was back to climbing up on the chair and trying to climb onto the table.  This little billy goat sure doesn't learn very quickly!

Happy Home Anniversary, Marleigh!

I can't believe it has been 4 years!  And I can't believe what a sweet, compassionate, beautiful, little girl you have grown in to!  Love you, Miss Marleigh!  

This Chair

I love this chair.  Not because it is so cozy and soft or anything like that.  But, it seriously is like the Cadilac of gliders.  Not because it does anything special.  Although, it does glide, recline, is extra wide, and has an ottoman that glides or can be in a fixed position. I so vividly remember being in Babies R Us, and sitting in every single rocker/glider they had.  Telling Marc that we would be spending a lot of time in this chair, so we probably shouldn't skimp.  The reason I love this chair is the memories I have rocking my babies in it.

The first time I ever sat it this chair was April 8, 2009.  It was the day we brought our tiny Marleigh home.   We sat in it to look around her nursery for the first time. I sat in that very same chair, terrified for Marleigh's first feeding at home.  Nervous that she might stop breathing while eating.

That first year, I felt like I lived in this chair.  There were countless hours spent rocking a precious girl that had such a hard time sleeping.  I remember many, many tears while rocking.  There were tears of joy that she was doing so well.  There were more tears of exhaustion and frustration wondering why it was so hard for her to get to sleep and stay asleep.

Marleigh liked to be held like a baby while rocking, and snuggled up close.  Her left hand would search until it found the collar of my shirt or the arm hole.  And then she would put her hand down in my shirt.  It was just something that seemed to comfort her.

As time went by, this chair became Marleigh's favorite place to read bedtime stories and say her prayers.  Many nights, we would finish reading a book, and a little voice would say, "More books, please."  So, we'd read just one more.

Shortly before Kade was born, Marleigh went through a phase.  She constantly asked me to "Rock, please, Mama."  Granted there were a few times that I didn't, but many more times, we would rock, just because.  Often not talking, just rocking and cuddling.

Once Kade arrived, the chair made it's way into his room.  It was where I sat to nurse him.  Nothing in the world is more perfect than gently rocking while nursing a baby.

Kade and I haven't logged near the hours that his sister and I did in this chair, but we still have had special moments.  Kade has never been much of a snuggler, but when we were battling his allergies (before we figured out what was going on), he slept much better if he somewhat elevated, so we rocked.

Kade really didn't like to be held like a baby much.  His favorite way to rock has always been with his back up against my chest and stomach, leaned back with his head resting on my shoulder.  He prefers to have my arms wrapped around his waist.  His chubby little hands search until they find mine, then he wraps them around my finger. To this day, he still does it while snuggling.

~~

Last night, as I was turning off the television and heading to bed, I could hear Kade tossing and turning in his room.  Normally, I would have ignored it and just went to bed.  He never gets up in the middle of the night or cries in his crib, so we never have to go in with him.  But last night, I did.  He was awake, but groggy. He wasn't upset or crying, but I still picked him up.  He wrapped his arms around my neck, laid his head on my shoulder, and mumbled, "Mama."  I asked him if he was okay, and he answered yes.  He squeezed my neck a little harder, so I asked him if he wanted to rock.  I figured we would rock for just a minute, then I would put him back in his bed.

We rocked for a few minutes.  I then was getting up to put him back to bed, and whispered, "Okay, Bubba, time for bed.  He so softly replied, "No, Mama.  Rock, peeaase."  How was I supposed to turn that down?  It was at that moment, that I realized that my time in this chair was fleeting.  There isn't going to be too many more opportunities for me to rock one of my babies in the middle of the night.  We sat there and rocked.  I could barely see his face, but watched as his eyelids grew heavy.  His long eyelashes blinked slower, and slower until he finally fell asleep.  He squeezed my fingers a few times, then let out his deep sigh, signaling that he was falling into a deep sleep.  I'm sure I could have moved him to his bed without him waking up, but I didn't.  I laid back and closed my eyes.

About an hour later I woke up, still sitting in the chair, holding a sleeping toddler that seemed almost as big as I am.  And that is when it really hit home.  My babies are growing up so quickly. In just a few short months, they will be 4 and 2.  I am thrilled that they are growing and thriving.  I am grateful that they have the chance to grow up, but it remains bittersweet.   My babies aren't babies anymore.  I am really going to miss these special times and sitting in this chair.