A few days ago, I was talking with an older gentlemen that I had never met before. Just the normal stuff, like what I did for a living, what he did, how many kids I had, how many kids he had. He seemed really nice. I had just told him that I had a four year old daughter and a one and a half year old son. He immediately snapped back with, "Well, all mothers should be at home with their children until at least age 18. That is what is wrong with the world today." Caught totally off guard, I just kind of sat there. I'm sure I had a stunned look on my face. I tried to change the subject, but he shot right back with, "And we wouldn't have any unemployment if women just stayed home with their children where they belong." Ouch. If only I could have walked away, but it was a situation that I HAD to stay in a little room with him, by myself. Once more, I tried to steer our conversation into a different direction. "Nice weather we're having today, isn't it?" Once more, I failed. "Yes, it is. And you know what? This Obamacare is the best thing ever. Republicans have driven this country into the dirt. If women could just stay home, and get the assistance they needed, it would all work so much better." What seemed like ions later, he was finally gone, and I was extremely flustered, offended, and even doubting myself a little.
It seems like everytime I turn around I hear someone say, "I'm lucky that I get to stay home with my children." Yes, if that is what is the best for your family, then that is fantastic. I am happy for you. I tried staying at home. Granted, it was with a micropreemie, just after she was released from the hospital, and we hibernated in our home for weeks on end, but I tried it. But ya know what? It just wasn't for me. I found that I was more stressed and more irritable. Marc and I talked at great length about whether I should go back to work. Together, we decided that for our family, it was best for me to work, at least part time.
That old man got to me a little bit. One sensitive issue with me is my children. I was "lucky" and was able to stay home. But I chose to go back to work. So what kind of mother does that make me? Maybe I am selfish. I honestly love what I do. I can't imagine not doing it. I also love where I work. It really is an awesome place to work, with great coworkers, and great bosses.
I am just really that self absorbed?
I really thought about that for a long while. It made me doubt being a working mother a little. I think most mothers that work tend to have some guilt from time to time. But when an old man straight up calls you out on it, it hurts.
I was finally able to reassure myself that I am not selfish and neither is any other mother that works. Being at work, gives my children a chance to experience different things and socialize with other children. It also gives me time to not be stressing over those little people that I love. It helps me to be more patient with them.
Where exactly does it say that just because a woman stays home, she is automatically a good mother, or that because she works, she isn't? What if the mother sat on the couch, completely ignored her children, and ate Bon Bon's all day? Or what about the working mother that gets her children at 4:00pm from the babysitters, plays, teaches and interacts with her children until they go to bed at night. The quality or self worth of a mother is not determined by her employment status.
Having Mommy work is what works for my family. It may not be what works for someone else's family, but that's okay. There is no magic formula for what is right when it comes to a mother working. I don't know why we are so quick to judge (myself included at times) the choices others make. It isn't about being "lucky" enough to stay home. It is all about being "lucky" enough to do what is best for your family.
