Marleigh and her Daddy.

We have a set routine every morning. I get up at 6:45, get my shower, eat breakfat and begin getting ready. At 7:15, I wake up Marc, and he gets Marleigh up and around for the day. Most mornings I overhear the conversation. Daddy, "Goodmorning, sweet girl." Marleigh normally replies with, "Goodmorning, Daddy. Snuggle?" Then he brings her into our room and they snuggle and watch a couple of music videos. Most days she asks to see me, and will tell me goodmorning. Then, Daddy will go change her clothes and get her ready to head to Nay-Nay's (that's what Marleigh calls Jenni).

This morning was a bit different. As Marc was bringing her into our room, I met them at the door to tell her goodmorning. She snuggled into her Daddy and pushed me away, saying, "Snuggle, Daddy." First time EVER that she hasn't want to come see me in the mornings. She normally wants to snuggle with Mommy. It was so sweet the way she wanted her Dad all to herself.

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The last few months I've watched her relationship with her Daddy grow. She is constantly looking for Daddy's approval. Marleigh is always wanting to "show Daddy" everything. She'll do something and say, "I did it!" and turn to make sure her Dad is watching.

She loves playing with him in the evenings. They go downstairs and ride her tricycle, or she rides on Daddy's back around the house. Now that its getting nicer, they go play out in the backyard.

Marleigh has also started repeating EVERYTHING Daddy says. He now has a little parrot. I've always cautioned him that little kids tend to be sponges and repeat things they hear. Turns out our sponge basically repeats only things that her Daddy says. He was on the phone the other night, and Marleigh ran to get her phone. Everything that Marc said, she repeated clear up until he hung up. She even said, "Sounds good, cheif. See ya later. Bye."

It is so neat to see their father/daughter relationship evolve. She thinks her Daddy hung the moon, and I completely agree!

Generosity

With our experiences the last few couple of years, Marc and I have been so incredibly blessed by the generosity of others. There really are no words that can adequately express our gratitude.

Complete strangers that have heard our story from a friend of a friend. Someone that stumbled onto our blog. A person that lives in another country right now that we have never met. We thank you so much. Your donations to the splash pad in memory of Natalie means so much to our family. Our little girl will never be forgotten. Please know you are appreciated. We pray that God will repay you ten fold for the blessings you have so willingly given to us.

More Marleigh

While driving the other day.

Marleigh: I see doggies!!!

Me: Uh.... what?!?

Marleigh: I mean cows, Mommy!

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While snuggling with Daddy and laying literally 2 inches from Daddy's face:

Marleigh: HEY, DAD!!!!

Marc: I'm right here Marleigh, what?

Marleigh: Nothing.

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Walking around the house looking for her bink.

Marleigh: Bink?

(Looks under couch.)

Marleigh: Bink?

(Looks behind the couch.)

Marleigh: BINK?!?

(Looks in the kitchen.)

Marleigh while throwing both hands in the air: Wherever could it be?!?

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Just had to share.... love her so much! :)

Halfway there!

I am now a little over halfway through my pregnancy. I must admit, it makes me a little sad. I actually LOVE being pregnant. Don't get me wrong, the throwing up 6-8 times a day was NOT fun, but despite that, I love it! I think it is the neatest thing in the world to know that you are being used as a tool by God to house and grow the most precious gift anyone could ever be given. When I stop to think of all the tiny little things that have to grow and develop just right, I am so spellbound by God's awesomeness. None of it by chance, but all according to His master plan.

Obviously, I know that not all aspects are rosy. There's heartburn, not being able to sleep, exhaustion, aches, pains, etc. But I think how minor all these things are and that they are only temporary. It only lasts for a few months, and at the end we'll be given a unique miracle that was chosen especially for us.

People might think I'm crazy, but I can remember after having the girls feeling lonely. I was used to feeling them move and kick. I would talk or sing to them throughout the day. I wanted them to be born knowing Mommy's voice. After I had them, it was so different. Being pregnant had become my new normal. It was quite an adjustment going back to just boring old me.

This pregnancy has been totally different than the girls for many reasons. I had a little bit of morning sickness with the girls. I'm not sure what Jr. (that's what we've been calling him since we can't agree on a name) was up to early on, but he sure made his mama sick! I'm carrying him higher than what I did with the girls. He is also already WAY more active than his sisters ever were. I wonder if it was because they didn't have as much room or is Jr. just going to be a total go getter? He also seems to know how to stomp on Mom's bladder. I frequent the restroom twice as much this time around.

The first 20 weeks have seemed to fly by. I am so excited to meet our son, but I'm hoping the next 20 weeks take their time. I want to soak up every moment of being pregnant.

Marleigh

Marleigh is so much fun lately. There are so many special memories that are being made. I wish I had a way to video tape them all.

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The other morning, I went to get Marleigh out of her crib. She sat up and said, "Hi, Mommy! I want to snuggle!" It melted my heart. I picked her up and she wrapped her little arms around my neck tightly. She smiled and said, "I got you, Mommy!" We went and got in Mommy and Daddy's bed and snuggled for a while. Moments like that are priceless!

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A couple of nights ago, after dinner, Marleigh was filling her pants. I asked her, "Marleigh, are you going poopy?" With a slight grunt, Marleigh said, "Yep." I then told her, "Let me know when you are finished and we'll go change your pants." She looked up at me, straining just a bit and said, "Almost.......... done. Okay, Mommy!" Marc and I about split a gut laughing at her!

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Marleigh had to go get her monthly synagis shot (its an RSV vaccine that is crazy expensive and only for kids that are high risk of RSV). We waited for well over an hour in the waiting room. Marleigh was so well behaved! Another mother commented on what a well behaved little girl she is. We FINALLY got back to see the doctor, and she gave Marleigh a flavored tongue depressor to play with while she checked her ears and listened to her chest. Without being prompted, Marleigh told her thank you. The doctor complimented her on what a polite little girl she was. The doctor was asking about how Marleigh was doing developmentally. This particular doctor hasn't seen Marleigh in almost a year. Right on cue, Marleigh counted to 15, sang (most of) her ABC's and was chatting up a storm with her. I was so proud of her. It is in those moments, that you know all the hard work of parenting is paying off. Sure, you could let your kid do whatever they want all the time, not take the time to teach them anything. Life would be so much easier. But it is such a great feeling when your child is well behaved and polite.

It's a Boy!!!

Yesterday, we had a doctor's appointment and an ultrasound. We are having a boy! Honestly, we didn't care either way, as long as the baby was healthy. He was moving and kicking all over the place yesterday. It was adorable to watch him sommersault and move all over. He is measuring over a week ahead of where he should be, so that is a good thing. He's growing well! I'd much rather have a 10lb baby than a 2lb one! He was shy at first and we couldn't get a good look at his little boy parts. The ultrasound tech was gently pushing on my tummy trying to get him to move so that we could see. He must not have like that, becuase he hauled off and punched right at where she was pushing. It was pretty funny! Everything looked great, although with him being so active, we weren't able to get any good pictures of his face. So, we get to have another ultrasound in two weeks, hoping that maybe he'll be a little calmer.

Of course I HAD to go shopping to get him some new clothes. He got a few outfits. One of the onsies says, "Little Brother" on it. Can't wait to see him in it!

Marc and I were talking on the way home. Thinking of what it will be like in a couple of years. Marleigh will have her little brother all dressed up in dresses and putting make up on him, I'm sure. Poor little guy. However, I'm sure in about 10 years, he'll be tormenting Marleigh and all her friends, so I think it will all even out! :)

Natalie's last couple of days

I had sent this email to a couple of friends shortly after we lost Natalie. The last few days it has really been on my mind. I realized that so many of you invested so much emotionally in our lives, yet we hadn't shared with you her whole story. Here it is.

February 18th started out like any other day for us. We got up, ate breakfast, and headed over to see our sweet babies. Usually, we would hold them in the morning during their feedings. Daddy would hold one of them, and I would hold the other. Looking back, I realize how much I cherish those memories. We’d talk back and forth. We’d joke with the nurses. Sometimes we would just sit and listen to them breathing. That morning, both of the girls were supposed to get blood transfusions, which is very common with preemies. Since they were getting the transfusions, we had to wait to hold them until their afternoon feeding at 4:00. I had finished holding Marleigh (I started before Daddy did), and was standing watching a very proud Daddy hold his little girl. That’s when Natalie started crying. We tried to calm her, but she kept crying. It was a painful cry. We knew that our poor little girl was hurting. It was breaking my heart. Before long, I was crying as well.

A few minutes later, the doctor on call came over. Dr. Dorn examined her and couldn’t find anything wrong. He suggested that maybe she was constipated & ordered an X-ray to investigate. The first X-ray confirmed her bowels were full of stool. He also mentioned that it was a little suspicious for something called NEC. But, our sweet girl wasn’t showing any of the normal symptoms. He decided to give her a suppository and some morphine for the pain. We waited with her in agony. I was praying nonstop. She wasn’t crying anymore, but we still knew she was hurting. Two hours later, another X-ray. This X-ray confirmed that it was in fact NEC. Dr. Dorn explained that if we could make if 48 hours without her bowel perforating, she would be okay. 48 hours would give the antibiotics enough time to work. So we waited some more. Two hours later, came another X-ray. It was our worst nightmare. Her bowel had perforated. I can see it so clearly in my head. I screamed, “Dear God, no. No, no, no, no….” Within minutes, the pediatric surgeon, Dr. Knight, was speaking with us. He was very pessimistic about Natalie’s prognosis. He thought that he might open her up to find a lot of dead bowel. If that was the case, there would be nothing he could do. A few moments later, they were taking our tiny little baby into surgery. About an hour later, the doctor came back. He was shocked to find that he only had to remove a relatively small part of her bowel. He was now very optimistic. Dr. Dorn cried tears of joy with us. Dr. Knight said that Natalie would be fine.

We sat with her for another hour after surgery. By now it was 6am. We were emotionally and physically exhausted. She was doing well and the doctor told us to go get some rest. We left for 3 hours to sleep. I now feel so guilty for leaving her alone for even a minute.

Arriving back to Natalie’s bedside, we knew things weren’t good. Her little tummy was all a deep purple. A doctor was stationed by her bed. Mina, one of our favorite nurses, was constantly working on her. For some reason, Natalie’s blood wasn’t clotting and her blood was very acidic. Her little heart was racing. However, her lungs were doing incredibly well. She was still breathing on her own. I tried so hard to be strong. I cupped one hand around her head & the other around her feet. I fought back tears, and sang to my precious baby. For some reason, the only songs that came to mind were Jesus Loves Me and Amazing Grace. I sang them over and over for a few hours. I kept praying, kept telling Daddy that everything was going to be okay. That our little girl was strong. She was a fighter. Every hour they would test her pH levels and every hour we would hope for a miracle. Each test came back worse than before. About 2:00, her sweet eyes opened. She looked right at us for a few minutes. It killed me to not be able to do something for my baby. I was her mother, yet there was nothing I could do. Around 3:00, Daddy left for a few minutes to update our family. I will never forget the next few minutes. While he was gone, another blood gas came back even worse. I asked Mina, “am I watching my daughter die?” With tear filled eyes, she said, “yes.” They continued to try everything in their power for the next few hours. Mina worked so hard. Finally Natalie's heart rate that had raced all day started coming down. We were praying it would level off at a normal rate. However, it continued to fall. Her little heart, was exhausted. As it dropped below 100, they asked if I would like to hold her for her final minutes. Selfishly, at first I said no. I didn’t want that to be my last memory of my beautiful daughter. Then I thought of her. I wanted her to know Mommy was here and that Mommy loved her so much. They placed her in my arms. By this time, the ventilator was breathing for her. Out of love for our daughter, we asked that they turn the ventilator off. The next few seconds were the worst of my life. I was crying and telling her not to be scared and how much I loved her. My sweet baby left my arms and went into the arms of our Heavenly Father.

I am so honored to say that I was Natalie Grace’s mother. She was so strong, and fought with every fiber of her being. I am so proud of her. I was so blessed for the time she was in my life. I am so very thankful that Marc and I spent every day with her. We got to know her sweet spirit so well in those short 27 days. She may have only been here on earth for a brief moment, but she will forever be in our hearts.